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Diffstat (limited to 'swiftstory/data/lang/en/cards')
| -rw-r--r-- | swiftstory/data/lang/en/cards/black.json | 165 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | swiftstory/data/lang/en/cards/white.json | 830 |
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diff --git a/swiftstory/data/lang/en/cards/black.json b/swiftstory/data/lang/en/cards/black.json new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8b841a1 --- /dev/null +++ b/swiftstory/data/lang/en/cards/black.json @@ -0,0 +1,165 @@ +[ + "2 AM in the city that never sleeps. The door swings open and walks in, legs up to here. Something in her eyes tells me she's looking for ______.", + "After the earthquake, Sean Penn brought _____ to the people of Haiti.", + "Alright, bros. Our frat house is condemned, and all the hot slampieces are over at Gamma Phi. The time has come to commence Operation _____.", + "Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of _____.", + "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for _____!", + "And today's soup is Cream of _____.", + "And what did you bring for show and tell?", + "A recent laboratory study shows that undergraduates have 50% less sex after being exposed to _____.", + "A remarkable new study has shown that chimps have evolved their own primitive version of _____.", + "Armani suit: $1,000. Dinner for two at a swanky restaurant: $300. The look on her face when you surprise her with _____, priceless.", + "A romantic candlelit dinner would be incomplete without _____.", + "As king, how will I keep the peasant's in line?", + "As part of his contract, Prince won't perform without ______ in his dressing room.", + "As part of his daily regimen, Anderson Cooper sets aside 15 minutes for _____.", + "A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with _____.", + "_____. Awesome in theory, kind of a mess in practice.", + "Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with _____.", + "_____. Betcha can't have just one!", + "But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you _____.", + "Call the law offices of Goldstein & Goldstein, because no one should have to tolerate _____ in the workplace.", + "Charades was ruined for me forever when my mom had to act out _____.", + "Coming to Broadway this season, _____: The Musical.", + "Daddy, why is mommy crying?", + "Dear Abby, I'm having some trouble with _____ and would like your advice.", + "Dear Leader Kim Jong-un, our village praises your infinite wisdom with a humble offering of _____.", + "Do NOT fuck with me! I am literally _____ right now.", + "Don't forget! Beginning this week, Casual Friday will officially become "_____ Friday."", + "Do the Dew with our most extreme flavor yet! Get ready for Mountain Dew _____!", + "Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is _____? Zoloft.", + "During high school, I never really fit in until I found _____ club.", + "During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into _____.", + "During sex, I like to think about _____.", + "Finally! A service that delivers _____ right to your door.", + "Fun tip! When your man asks you to go down on him, try surprising him with _____ instead.", + "Get ready for the movie of the summer! One cop plays by the book. The other's only interested in one thing: _____.", + "_____: good to the last drop.", + "Having the worst day EVER. #_____", + "Help me doctor, I've got _____ in my butt!", + "Here at the Academy for Gifted Children, we allow students to explore _____ at their own pace.", + "Here is the church. Here is the steeple. Open the doors and there is _____.", + "Hey baby, come back to my place and I'll show you _____.", + "_____. High five, bro.", + "Hi MTV! My name is Kendra, I live in Malibu, I'm into _____, and I love to have a good time.", + "Hi, this Jim from accounting. We noticed a $1,200 charge labeled "_____." Can you explain?", + "How am I compensating for my tiny penis?", + "How am I maintaining my relationship status?", + "How did I lose my virginity?", + "I do not know with what weapons World War III will be be fought, but World War IV will be fought with _____.", + "I don't mean to brag, but they call me the Michael Jordan of _____.", + "I drink to forget _____.", + "I get by with a little help from _____.", + "I got 99 problems but _____ ain't one.", + "I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with _____.", + "I'm not like the rest of you, I'm too rich and busy for _____.", + "I'm pretty sure I'm high right now, because I'm absolutely mesmerized by _____.", + "I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of _____.", + "I'm sorry sir, but we don't allow _____ at the country club.", + "In 1,000 years, when paper money is a distant memory, how will we pay for goods and services?", + "In his farewell address, George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of _____.", + "In his new action comedy, Jackie Chan must fend off ninjas while also dealing with _____.", + "In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from _____.", + "In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of _____.", + "In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated _____.", + "In L.A. County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for _____.", + "In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to _____.", + "Instead of coal, Santa now gives bad children _____.", + "In the distant future, historians will agree that _____ marked the beginning of America's decline.", + "In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with _____ for the first time.", + "In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure _____ for all of eternity.", + "Introducing Xtreme Baseball! It's like baseball, but with ____!", + "It lurks in the night. It hungers for flesh. This summer, no one is safe from _____.", + "It's a pity that kids these days are all involved with _____.", + "____. It's a trap!", + "_____: kid-tested, mother-approved.", + "Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to _____.", + "Life's pretty tough in the fast lane. That's why I never leave the house without _____.", + "Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and _____.", + "Loving' you is easy 'cause you're _____.", + "Man, this is bullshit. Fuck _____.", + "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's _____.", + "Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience _____.", + "Money can't buy me love, but it can buy me _____.", + "MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with _____.", + "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of _____.", + "My gym teacher got fired for adding _____ to the obstacle course.", + "My new favorite porn star is Joey "_____" McGee.", + "My plan for world domination begins with _____.", + "Next from J.K Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of _____.", + "Next on ESPN2, the World Series of _____.", + "Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about _____.", + "Now in bookstores: "The Audacity of _____," by Barack Obama", + "Only two things in life are certain: death and _____.", + "Science will never explain _____.", + "She's up all night for good fun. I'm up all night for _____.", + "_____. That's how I want to die.", + "The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in _____.", + "The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to _____.", + "The class field trip was completely ruined by _____.", + "The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, _____, acceptance.", + "The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of _____.", + "The Japanese have developed a smaller, more efficient version of _____.", + "The new Chevy Tahoe. With the power and space to take _____ everywhere you go.", + "The secret to a lasting marriage is communication, communication, and _____.", + "The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an interactive exhibit on _____.", + "The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to _____ is a basic human right.", + "This is the prime of my life. I'm young, hot, and full of _____.", + "This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with _____.", + "This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for _____.", + "This month's Cosmo: "Spice up your sex life by bringing _____ into the bedroom."", + "Today on Maury: "Help! My son is _____!"", + "Tonight on 20/20: What you don't know about _____ could kill you.", + "To prepare for his upcoming role, Daniel Day-Lewis immersed himself in the world of _____.", + "TSA guidelines now prohibit _____ on airplanes.", + "Turns out that _____-Man was neither the hero we needed nor wanted.", + "War! What is it good for?", + "Well what do you have to say for yourself, Casey? This is the third time you've been sent to the principals office for _____.", + "Wes Anderson's new film tells the story of a precious child coming to terms with _____.", + "What am I giving up for Lent?", + "What are my parents hiding from me?", + "What brought the orgy to a grinding halt?", + "What did I bring back from mexico?", + "What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?", + "What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner?", + "What don't you want to find in your Kung Pao chicken?", + "What ended my last relationship?", + "What gets better with age?", + "What gives me uncontrollable gas?", + "What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony?", + "What helps Obama unwind?", + "What is Batman's guilty pleasure?", + "What killed my boner?", + "What left this stain on my couch?", + "What never fails to liven up the party?", + "What's a girl's best friend?", + "What's fun until it gets weird?", + "What's George W. Bush thinking about right now?", + "What's making things awkward in the sauna?", + "What's my anti-drug?", + "What's my secret power?", + "What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed?", + "What's that smell?", + "What's that sound?", + "What's the gift that keeps on giving?", + "What's the most emo?", + "What's the new fad diet?", + "What's the next happy meal toy?", + "What's there a ton of in heaven?", + "What will always get you laid?", + "What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard?", + "What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?", + "When all else fails, I can always masturbate to _____.", + "When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate _____.", + "When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of _____.", + "When I pooped, what came out of my butt?", + "When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of _____.", + "White people like _____.", + "WHOOO! God Damn I love _____!", + "Why am I broke?", + "Why am I sticky?", + "Why can't I sleep at night?", + "Why do I hurt all over?", + "Yo' mama so fat she _____!", + "Your persistence is admirable, my dear Prince. But you cannot win my heart with _____ alone." +] diff --git a/swiftstory/data/lang/en/cards/white.json b/swiftstory/data/lang/en/cards/white.json new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9b5af22 --- /dev/null +++ b/swiftstory/data/lang/en/cards/white.json @@ -0,0 +1,830 @@ +[ + "10 Incredible Facts About the Anus.", + "24-hour media coverage.", + "40 acres and a mule.", + "50,000 volts straight to the nipples.", + "72 virgins.", + "8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin.", + "A 55-gallon drum of lube.", + "Aaron Burr.", + "A bag of magic beans.", + "A balanced breakfast.", + "A ball of earwax, semen, and toenail clippings.", + "A big black dick.", + "A bigger, blacker dick.", + "A bitch slap.", + "A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.", + "A bleached asshole.", + "A bloody pacifier.", + "A boo-boo.", + "A Bop It.", + "A botched circumcision.", + "A brain tumor.", + "A bucket of fish heads.", + "A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans.", + "A Burmese tiger pit.", + "A can of whoop-ass.", + "A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus.", + "A cooler full of organs.", + "A cop who is also a dog.", + "A crappy little hand.", + "A crazy little thing called love.", + "Active listening.", + "Actually getting shot, for real.", + "Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers.", + "A dance move that's just sex.", + "Adderall.", + "A defective condom.", + "A disappointing birthday party.", + "A disappointing salad.", + "A dollop of sour cream.", + "Advice from a wise, old black man.", + "A face full of horse cum.", + "A falcon with a cap on it's head.", + "A fart.", + "A fat bald man from the internet.", + "A fetus.", + "A Fleshlight.", + "A for-real lizard that spits blood from it's eyes.", + "A foul mouth.", + "Africa.", + "African children.", + "A gassy antelope.", + "A gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry.", + "A gentle caress of the inner thigh.", + "A giant powdery manbaby.", + "A good sniff.", + "A greased up Matthew McConaughey.", + "Agriculture.", + "A homoerotic volleyball montage.", + "A hopeless amount of spiders.", + "A horse with no legs.", + "AIDS.", + "AIDS monkeys.", + "A kiss on the lips.", + "A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint.", + "Alcoholism.", + "A lifetime of sadness.", + "A live studio audience.", + "All of my friends dying.", + "All of this blood.", + "All these decorative pillows.", + "All the single ladies.", + "All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.", + "Almost giving money to a homeless person.", + "A low standard of living.", + "Altar boys.", + "A magic hippie love cloud.", + "A manhole.", + "A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings.", + "A man on the brink of orgasm.", + "A mating display.", + "Ambiguous sarcasm.", + "A micropenis.", + "A micropig wearing a tiny raincoat and booties.", + "A middle-aged man on roller skates.", + "A mime having a stroke.", + "A monkey smoking a cigar.", + "A mopey zoo lion.", + "A mouthful of potato salad.", + "Amputees.", + "A murder most foul.", + "Anal beads.", + "Anal fissures like you wouldn't believe.", + "An all-midget production of Shakespeare's Richard III.", + "An army of skeletons.", + "An ass disaster.", + "An asymmetric boob job.", + "A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world.", + "Ancient Athenian boy-fucking.", + "Andre the Giant's enormous, leathery scrotum.", + "An endless stream of diarrhea.", + "An erection that lasts longer than four hours.", + "An ether-soaked rag.", + "An Etsy steampunk strap-on.", + "An evil man in evil clothes.", + "Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night.", + "An icepick lobotomy.", + "An inability to form meaningful relationships.", + "An interracial handshake.", + "An M16 assault rifle.", + "An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.", + "An Oedipus complex.", + "Another shot of morphine.", + "An oversized lollipop.", + "A nuanced critique.", + "An ugly face.", + "An unforgettable quinceanera.", + "An unhinged ferris wheel rolling towards the sea.", + "An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation.", + "An unstoppable wave of fire ants.", + "A one-way ticket to Gary, Indiana.", + "A passionate latino lover.", + "A pile of squirming bodies.", + "A pinata full of scorpions.", + "A plunger to the face.", + "A powered exoskeleton.", + "A PowerPoint presentation.", + "A pyramid of severed heads.", + "A Quesadilla Explosion Salad from Chili's.", + "A really cool hat.", + "A reason not to commit suicide.", + "A rival dojo.", + "Arnold Schwarzenegger.", + "A robust mongoloid.", + "A sad fat dragon with no friends.", + "A sad handjob.", + "A salty surprise.", + "A sassy black woman.", + "A sausage festival.", + "A sea of troubles.", + "A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness.", + "A sex goblin with a carnival penis.", + "A shiny rock that proves I love you.", + "Asians who aren't good at math.", + "A slightly shittier parallel universe.", + "A smiling black man, a latina businesswoman, a cool Asian, and some whites.", + "A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.", + "A sofa that says "I have style, but I like to be comfortable."", + "A soulful rendition of "Ol' Man River."", + "A spastic nerd.", + "A spontaneous conga line.", + "A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles.", + "Assless chaps.", + "Ass to mouth.", + "A stray pube.", + "A subscription to Men's fitness.", + "A Super Soaker full of cat pee.", + "A surprising amount of hair.", + "A sweaty, panting leather daddy.", + "A sweet spaceship.", + "A team of lawyers.", + "A thermonuclear detonation.", + "A time travel paradox.", + "A tiny horse.", + "A tribe of warrior women.", + "A Ugandan warlord.", + "Auschwitz.", + "Authentic Mexican cuisine.", + "Autocannibalism.", + "A vagina that leads to another dimension.", + "A web of lies.", + "A whole new kind of porn.", + "A windmill full of corpses.", + "AXE Body Spray.", + "A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home.", + "A zesty breakfast burrito.", + "Backwards knees.", + "Balls.", + "Barack Obama.", + "Basic human decency.", + "BATMAN!!!", + "Battlefield amputations.", + "Beefin' over turf.", + "Bees?", + "Being a busy adult with many important things to do.", + "Being a dick to children.", + "Being a dinosaur.", + "Being a motherfucking sorcerer.", + "Being awesome at sex.", + "Being fabulous.", + "Being fat and stupid.", + "Being marginalized.", + "Being nine years old.", + "Being on fire.", + "Being paralyzed from the neck down.", + "Being rich.", + "Being worshipped as the one true God.", + "Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone.", + "Bill Nye the Science Guy.", + "Bingeing and purging.", + "Bio-engineered assault rifles with acid breath.", + "Bitches.", + "Blackface.", + "Black people.", + "Blackula.", + "Blood farts.", + "Blowing some dudes in an alley.", + "Blowjobs for everyone.", + "Boogers.", + "Boring vaginal sex.", + "Boris the Soviet Love Hammer.", + "Bosnian chicken farmers.", + "Bouncing up and down.", + "Breaking out into song and dance.", + "Brown people.", + "Bullshit.", + "Butt stuff.", + "Buying the right pants to be cool.", + "Calculating every mannerism so as to not suggest homosexuality.", + "Cards Against Humanity.", + "Carnies.", + "Catapults.", + "Catastrophic urethral trauma.", + "Centaurs.", + "Chainsaws for hands.", + "Changing a person's mind with logic and facts.", + "Cheating in the Special Olympics.", + "Child abuse.", + "Child beauty pageants.", + "Child Protective Services.", + "Children on leashes.", + "Child support payments.", + "Christopher Walken.", + "Chrystal meth.", + "Chugging a lava lamp.", + "Chunks of dead hitchhiker.", + "Civilian casualties.", + "Clams.", + "Classist undertones.", + "Clenched butt cheeks.", + "Coat hanger abortions.", + "Cock.", + "Committing mid-blowjob.", + "Concealing a boner.", + "Consensual sex.", + "Copping a feel.", + "Count Chocula.", + "Court-ordered rehab.", + "Crazy opium eyes.", + "Crippling debt.", + "Crucifixion.", + "Crumbs all over the god damn carpet.", + "Crushing Mr. Peanut's brittle body.", + "Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.", + "Cuddling.", + "Cutting off a flamingo's legs with garden shears.", + "Cybernetic enhancements.", + "Daddy issues.", + "Daddy's credit card.", + "Daniel Radcliffe's delicious asshole.", + "Dark and mysterious forces beyond our control.", + "Darth Vader.", + "Dead babies.", + "Dead parents.", + "Death by Steven Seagal.", + "Deez nuts.", + "Deflowering the princess.", + "Demonic possession.", + "Dem titties.", + "Denzel.", + "Depression.", + "Destroying the evidence.", + "Dick Cheney.", + "Dick fingers.", + "Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends."", + "Disco fever.", + "Doing the right stuff to her nipples.", + "Doing the right thing.", + "Doin' it in the butt.", + "Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza.", + "Doo-doo.", + "Dorito breath.", + "Double penetration.", + "Drinking alone.", + "Drinking responsibly.", + "Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs to get fifty continuous hours of energy.", + "Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.", + "Dry heaving.", + "Dying.", + "Dying alone and in pain.", + "Dying of dysentery.", + "Eating an albino.", + "Eating the last known bison.", + "Edible underpants.", + "Ejaculating live bees and bees are angry.", + "Elderly Japanese men.", + "Embryonic stem cells.", + "Emotions.", + "Ennui.", + "Enormous Scandinavian women.", + "Erectile dysfunction.", + "Estrogen.", + "Ethnic cleansing.", + "Eugenics.", + "Exactly what you'd expect.", + "Existing.", + "Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor.", + "Exploding pigeons.", + "Explosions.", + "Extremely tight pants.", + "Fabricating statistics.", + "Falling into the toilet.", + "Famine.", + "Fancy Feast.", + "Farting and walking away.", + "Fear itself.", + "Feeding Rosie O'Donnell.", + "Fetal alcohol syndrome.", + "Fiery poops.", + "Figgy pudding.", + "Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin.", + "Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding.", + "Finally finishing off the Indians.", + "Finding Waldo.", + "Fingering.", + "Finger painting.", + "Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.", + "Fisting.", + "Five-Dollar Footlongs.", + "Flesh-eating bacteria.", + "Flightless birds.", + "Flying robots that kill people.", + "Flying sex snakes.", + "Foreskin.", + "Former President George W. Bush.", + "Free ice cream, yo.", + "Free samples.", + "Friction.", + "Friendly fire.", + "Friends with benefits.", + "Frolicking.", + "Fucking a corpse back to life.", + "Fuck Mountain.", + "Full frontal nudity.", + "Funky fresh rhymes.", + "Gandalf.", + "Gandhi.", + "Gay aliens.", + "Geese.", + "Genetically engineered super-soldiers.", + "Genghis Khan.", + "Genghis Khan's DNA.", + "Genuine human connection.", + "George Clooney's musk.", + "German dungeon porn.", + "Getting abducted by Peter Pan.", + "Getting caught by the police and going to jail.", + "Getting drive-by shot.", + "Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri.", + "Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group.", + "Getting in her pants, politely.", + "Getting married, having a few kids, buying some cool stuff, retiring to Florida, and dying.", + "Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon.", + "Getting really high.", + "Getting so angry that you pop a boner.", + "Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick.", + "Ghosts.", + "Giant sperm from outer space.", + "Girls that always be texting'.", + "Giving 110%.", + "Giving birth to the Antichrist.", + "Gladiatorial combat.", + "Gloryholes.", + "Goblins.", + "God.", + "Gogurt.", + "Going around punching people.", + "Going to a high school reunion on ketamine.", + "Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis.", + "Grandma.", + "Grandpa's ashes.", + "Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.", + "Grave robbing.", + "Growing a pair.", + "Half-assed foreplay.", + "Harry Potter erotica.", + "Having anuses for eyes.", + "Having a penis.", + "Having been dead for a while.", + "Having sex on top of a pizza.", + "Having shotguns for legs.", + "Heartwarming orphans.", + "Helplessly giggling at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis.", + "Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.", + "Heteronormativity.", + "Hillary Clinton's death stare.", + "Hip hop jewels.", + "Hipsters.", + "Historically black colleges.", + "Historical revisionism.", + "Holding down a child and farting all over him.", + "Homeless people.", + "Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine.", + "Hope.", + "Hormone injections.", + "Horrifying laser removal accidents.", + "Horse meat.", + "Hospice care.", + "Hot cheese.", + "Hot people.", + "Hot Pockets.", + "How awesome I am.", + "Hurricane Katrina.", + "Inappropriate yodeling.", + "Incest.", + "Indescribable loneliness.", + "Injecting speed into one arm and horse tranquilizer into the other.", + "Insatiable bloodlust.", + "Inserting a mason jar into my anus.", + "Interspecies marriage.", + "Intimacy problems.", + "Invading Poland.", + "Italians.", + "Jafar.", + "Jean-Claude Van Damme in slow motion.", + "Jeff Goldblum.", + "Jerking off into a pool of children's tears.", + "Jewish fraternities.", + "Jizz.", + "Jobs.", + "Joe Biden.", + "John Wilkes Booth.", + "Judge Judy.", + "Jumping out at people.", + "Justin Bieber.", + "Just the tip.", + "Kamikaze pilots.", + "Kanye West.", + "Keanu Reeves.", + "Khakis.", + "Kids with ass cancer.", + "Lactation.", + "Lady Gaga.", + "Lance Armstrong's missing testicle.", + "Land mines.", + "Laying an egg.", + "Leprosy.", + "Letting everyone down.", + "Levelling up.", + "Licking things to claim them as your own.", + "Literally eating shit.", + "Living in a trashcan.", + "Lockjaw.", + "Loki, the trickster god.", + "Lots and lots of abortions.", + "Lumberjack fantasies.", + "Lunchables.", + "Mad hacky-sack skills.", + "Magnets.", + "Making a friend.", + "Making a pouty face.", + "Making the penises kiss.", + "Man meat.", + "Masturbation.", + "Maximal insertion.", + "Me.", + "MechaHitler.", + "Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament.", + "Men.", + "Menstrual rage.", + "Me time.", + "Michael Jackson.", + "Michelle Obama's arms.", + "Mild autism.", + "Miley Cyrus at 55.", + "Moderate to severe joint pain.", + "Mom.", + "Moms new boyfriend.", + "Mooing.", + "Moral ambiguity.", + "Morgan Freeman's voice.", + "Mouth herpes.", + "Mr. Clean, right behind you.", + "Mufasa's death scene.", + "Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him).", + "Multiple stab wounds.", + "Mutually-assured destruction.", + "My black ass.", + "My boyfriend's stupid penis.", + "My collection of high-tech sex toys.", + "My dad's dumb fucking face.", + "My dead son's baseball glove.", + "My first kill.", + "My first period.", + "My genitals.", + "My humps.", + "My inner demons.", + "My machete.", + "My manservant, Claude.", + "My relationship status.", + "My sex dungeon.", + "My sex life.", + "My soul.", + "My vagina.", + "My worthless son.", + "Natalie Portman.", + "Natural male enhancement.", + "Natural selection.", + "Nazis.", + "Necrophilia.", + "Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits.", + "Neil Patrick Harris.", + "New Age music.", + "Nickelback.", + "Nicolas Cage.", + "Nipple blades.", + "No clothes on, penis in vagina.", + "Not believing in giraffes.", + "Not contributing to society in any meaningful way.", + "Not giving a shit about the Third World.", + "Not having sex.", + "Nothing.", + "Not reciprocating oral sex.", + "Not wearing pants.", + "Nubile slave boys.", + "Nunchuck moves.", + "Object permanence.", + "Oil!", + "Old-people smell.", + "Oncoming traffic.", + "One Ring to rule them all.", + "One thousand Slim Jims.", + "One trillion dollars.", + "Oompa-Loompas.", + "Opposable thumbs.", + "Our first chimpanzee president.", + "Out-of-this-world bazongos.", + "Overcompensation.", + "Overpowering your father.", + "Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.", + "Panda sex.", + "Party Mexicans.", + "Passive-aggressive Post-it notes.", + "Pedophiles.", + "Peeing a little bit.", + "Penis breath.", + "Penis envy.", + "P.F. Chang himself.", + "Pictures of boobs.", + "Pixelated bukkake.", + "Police brutality.", + "Pooping back and forth. Forever.", + "Poopy diapers.", + "Poor life choices.", + "Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.", + "Poor people.", + "Power.", + "Powerful thighs.", + "Prancing.", + "Praying the gay away.", + "Preteens.", + "Pretending to care.", + "Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game.", + "Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa.", + "Puberty.", + "Public ridicule.", + "Pulling out.", + "Pumping out a baby every nine months.", + "Puppies!", + "Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR.", + "Queefing.", + "Quiche.", + "Quivering jowls.", + "Racially-biased SAT questions.", + "Racism.", + "Raptor attacks.", + "Repression.", + "Republicans.", + "Revenge fucking.", + "Reverse cowgirl.", + "Riding off into the sunset.", + "Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.", + "Rising from the grave.", + "Road head.", + "Robert Downey, Jr.", + "RoboCop.", + "Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.", + "Ronald Reagan.", + "Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere.", + "Running out of semen.", + "Rush Limbaugh's soft, shitty body.", + "Russian super-tuberculosis.", + "Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.", + "Same-sex ice dancing.", + "Samuel L. Jackson.", + "Sanding off a man's nose.", + "Santa Claus.", + "Sarah Palin.", + "Savagely beating a mascot.", + "Saxophone solos.", + "Saying "I love you."", + "Science.", + "Scientology.", + "Screaming like a maniac.", + "Scrotal frostbite.", + "Scrotum tickling.", + "Sean Connery.", + "Sean Penn.", + "Seeing grandma naked.", + "Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes.", + "Seeing things from Hitler's perspective.", + "Self-flagellation.", + "Self-loathing.", + "Seppuku.", + "September 11th, 2001.", + "Serfdom.", + "Sexual humiliation.", + "Sexual peeing.", + "Sexual Tension.", + "Sex with Patrick Stewart.", + "Sexy pillow fights.", + "Shaft.", + "Shapeshifters.", + "Shaquille O'Neal's acting career.", + "Sharks with legs.", + "Shiny objects.", + "Shutting the fuck up.", + "Silence.", + "Skeletor.", + "Slapping a racist old lady.", + "Slowly easing down onto a cucumber.", + "Smallpox blankets.", + "Smegma.", + "Smoking crack, for instance.", + "Sneezing, farting and coming at the same time.", + "Sniffing glue.", + "Snorting coke off a clown's boner", + "Social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion.", + "Some douche with an acoustic guitar.", + "Some god-damn peace and quiet.", + "Some kind of bird-man.", + "Some really fucked-up shit.", + "Some shit-hot guitar licks.", + "Some sort of Asian.", + "Soup that is too hot.", + "Special musical guest, Cher.", + "Spectacular abs.", + "Spending lots of money.", + "Sperm whales.", + "Spontaneous human combustion.", + "Sports.", + "Stalin.", + "Statistically validated stereotypes.", + "Stephen Hawking talking dirty.", + "Stockholm Syndrome.", + "Stuffing a child's face with Fun Dip until he starts having fun.", + "Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife.", + "Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.", + "Sugar madness.", + "Suicidal thoughts.", + "Sunshine and rainbows.", + "Surprise sex!", + "Sweet, sweet vengeance.", + "Swiftly achieving orgasm.", + "Switching to Geico.", + "Swooping.", + "Synergistic management solutions.", + "Syphilitic insanity.", + "Take-backsies.", + "Taking off your shirt.", + "Tasteful sideboob.", + "Teaching a robot to love.", + "Teenage pregnancy.", + "Tentacle porn.", + "Testicular torsion.", + "That ass.", + "The Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle.", + "The American Dream.", + "The Amish.", + "The art of seduction.", + "The basic suffering that pervades all of existence.", + "The Big Bang.", + "The black half of Barack Obama.", + "The black Power Ranger.", + "The Blood of Christ.", + "The boners of the elderly.", + "The Boy Scouts of America.", + "The Care Bear Stare.", + "The Chinese gymnastics team.", + "The chronic.", + "The clitoris.", + "The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East.", + "The cool, refreshing taste of Pepsi.", + "The day the birds attacked.", + "The Devil himself.", + "The economy.", + "The eight gay warlocks who dictate the rules of fashion.", + "The entire Internet.", + "The entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir.", + "The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter.", + "The female orgasm.", + "The folly of man.", + "The Force.", + "The four arms of Vishnu.", + "The gays.", + "The ghosts of Marlon Brando.", + "The glass ceiling.", + "The Great Depression.", + "The Gulags.", + "The Hamburglar.", + "The hardworking mexican.", + "The Harlem Globetrotters.", + "The harsh light of day.", + "The heart of a child.", + "The hiccups.", + "The Holy Bible.", + "The homosexual agenda.", + "The human body.", + "The Hustle.", + "The inevitable death of the universe.", + "The invisible hand.", + "The Jews.", + "The KKK.", + "The Kool-Aid Man.", + "The Land of Chocolate.", + "The light of a billion suns.", + "The Little Engine That Could.", + "The Make-A-Wish Foundation.", + "The mere concept of Applebees.", + "The milk man.", + "The miracle of childbirth.", + "The mixing of the races.", + "The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth.", + "The morbidly obese.", + "The new Radiohead album.", + "The ooze.", + "The passage of time.", + "The Patriarchy.", + "The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China.", + "The penny whistle solo from "My Heart Will Go On."", + "The pirate's life.", + "The placenta.", + "The Pope.", + "The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now.", + "The profoundly handicapped.", + "The Rapture.", + "The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.", + "The rhythms of Africa.", + "The safe word.", + "The secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction.", + "The shambling corpse of Larry King.", + "The size of my penis.", + "The South.", + "The swim team, all at once.", + "The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.", + "The Tempur-Pedic Swedish Sleep System.", + "The terrorists.", + "The thin veneer of situational casualty that underlies porn.", + "The Three-Fifths compromise.", + "The tiger that killed my father.", + "The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real.", + "The token minority.", + "The Trail of Tears.", + "The true meaning of Christmas.", + "The Ubermensch.", + "The unbelievable world of mushrooms.", + "The Underground Railroad.", + "The violation of our basic human rights.", + "The way white people is.", + "The white half of Barack Obama.", + "The wonders of the Orient.", + "The World of Warcraft.", + "The wrath of Vladimir Putin.", + "Third base.", + "This year's mass shooting.", + "Three consecutive seconds of happiness.", + "Three dicks at the same time.", + "Three months in the hole.", + "Throwing a virgin into a volcano.", + "Tiny nipples.", + "Tom Cruise.", + "Tongue.", + "Toni Morrison's vagina.", + "Too much cocaine.", + "Tripping balls.", + "Two midgets shitting into a bucket.", + "Unfathomable stupidity.", + "Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.", + "Unquestioning obedience.", + "Unrelenting genital punishment.", + "Used panties.", + "Vegetarian options.", + "Vehicular manslaughter.", + "Velcro.", + "Viagra.", + "Vietnam flashbacks.", + "Vigilante justice.", + "Vigorous jazz hands.", + "Vikings.", + "Waiting 'til marriage.", + "Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot.", + "Walking in on Dad peeing into mom's mouth.", + "Weapons-grade plutonium.", + "Wearing an octopus for a hat.", + "Wearing glasses and sounding smart.", + "Western standards of beauty.", + "Wet dreams.", + "Whatever a McRib is made of.", + "What Jesus would do.", + "When you fart and a little bit comes out.", + "Whining like a little bitch.", + "Whipping a disobedient slave.", + "Whipping it out.", + "Whispering all sexy.", + "White-man scalps.", + "White people.", + "White privilege.", + "Wifely duties.", + "William Shatner.", + "Winking at old people.", + "Wiping her butt.", + "Women in yogurt commercials.", + "Women's suffrage.", + "Words, words, words.", + "World peace.", + "Yeast.", + "YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.", + "Your weird brother.", + "Zeus's sexual appetites." +] |