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Diffstat (limited to 'usr/share/swiftstory/lang/en/cards')
| -rw-r--r-- | usr/share/swiftstory/lang/en/cards/black.json | 165 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | usr/share/swiftstory/lang/en/cards/white.json | 830 |
2 files changed, 0 insertions, 995 deletions
diff --git a/usr/share/swiftstory/lang/en/cards/black.json b/usr/share/swiftstory/lang/en/cards/black.json deleted file mode 100644 index 8b841a1..0000000 --- a/usr/share/swiftstory/lang/en/cards/black.json +++ /dev/null @@ -1,165 +0,0 @@ -[ - "2 AM in the city that never sleeps. The door swings open and walks in, legs up to here. Something in her eyes tells me she's looking for ______.", - "After the earthquake, Sean Penn brought _____ to the people of Haiti.", - "Alright, bros. Our frat house is condemned, and all the hot slampieces are over at Gamma Phi. The time has come to commence Operation _____.", - "Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of _____.", - "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for _____!", - "And today's soup is Cream of _____.", - "And what did you bring for show and tell?", - "A recent laboratory study shows that undergraduates have 50% less sex after being exposed to _____.", - "A remarkable new study has shown that chimps have evolved their own primitive version of _____.", - "Armani suit: $1,000. Dinner for two at a swanky restaurant: $300. The look on her face when you surprise her with _____, priceless.", - "A romantic candlelit dinner would be incomplete without _____.", - "As king, how will I keep the peasant's in line?", - "As part of his contract, Prince won't perform without ______ in his dressing room.", - "As part of his daily regimen, Anderson Cooper sets aside 15 minutes for _____.", - "A successful job interview begins with a firm handshake and ends with _____.", - "_____. Awesome in theory, kind of a mess in practice.", - "Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with _____.", - "_____. Betcha can't have just one!", - "But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you _____.", - "Call the law offices of Goldstein & Goldstein, because no one should have to tolerate _____ in the workplace.", - "Charades was ruined for me forever when my mom had to act out _____.", - "Coming to Broadway this season, _____: The Musical.", - "Daddy, why is mommy crying?", - "Dear Abby, I'm having some trouble with _____ and would like your advice.", - "Dear Leader Kim Jong-un, our village praises your infinite wisdom with a humble offering of _____.", - "Do NOT fuck with me! I am literally _____ right now.", - "Don't forget! Beginning this week, Casual Friday will officially become "_____ Friday."", - "Do the Dew with our most extreme flavor yet! Get ready for Mountain Dew _____!", - "Do you lack energy? Does it sometimes feel like the whole world is _____? Zoloft.", - "During high school, I never really fit in until I found _____ club.", - "During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into _____.", - "During sex, I like to think about _____.", - "Finally! A service that delivers _____ right to your door.", - "Fun tip! When your man asks you to go down on him, try surprising him with _____ instead.", - "Get ready for the movie of the summer! One cop plays by the book. The other's only interested in one thing: _____.", - "_____: good to the last drop.", - "Having the worst day EVER. #_____", - "Help me doctor, I've got _____ in my butt!", - "Here at the Academy for Gifted Children, we allow students to explore _____ at their own pace.", - "Here is the church. Here is the steeple. Open the doors and there is _____.", - "Hey baby, come back to my place and I'll show you _____.", - "_____. High five, bro.", - "Hi MTV! My name is Kendra, I live in Malibu, I'm into _____, and I love to have a good time.", - "Hi, this Jim from accounting. We noticed a $1,200 charge labeled "_____." Can you explain?", - "How am I compensating for my tiny penis?", - "How am I maintaining my relationship status?", - "How did I lose my virginity?", - "I do not know with what weapons World War III will be be fought, but World War IV will be fought with _____.", - "I don't mean to brag, but they call me the Michael Jordan of _____.", - "I drink to forget _____.", - "I get by with a little help from _____.", - "I got 99 problems but _____ ain't one.", - "I learned the hard way that you can't cheer up a grieving friend with _____.", - "I'm not like the rest of you, I'm too rich and busy for _____.", - "I'm pretty sure I'm high right now, because I'm absolutely mesmerized by _____.", - "I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of _____.", - "I'm sorry sir, but we don't allow _____ at the country club.", - "In 1,000 years, when paper money is a distant memory, how will we pay for goods and services?", - "In his farewell address, George Washington famously warned Americans about the dangers of _____.", - "In his new action comedy, Jackie Chan must fend off ninjas while also dealing with _____.", - "In his newest and most difficult stunt, David Blaine must escape from _____.", - "In his new self-produced album, Kanye West raps over the sounds of _____.", - "In its new tourism campaign, Detroit proudly proclaims that it has finally eliminated _____.", - "In L.A. County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for _____.", - "In Rome, there are whisperings that the Vatican has a secret room devoted to _____.", - "Instead of coal, Santa now gives bad children _____.", - "In the distant future, historians will agree that _____ marked the beginning of America's decline.", - "In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with _____ for the first time.", - "In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure _____ for all of eternity.", - "Introducing Xtreme Baseball! It's like baseball, but with ____!", - "It lurks in the night. It hungers for flesh. This summer, no one is safe from _____.", - "It's a pity that kids these days are all involved with _____.", - "____. It's a trap!", - "_____: kid-tested, mother-approved.", - "Life for American Indians was forever changed when the White Man introduced them to _____.", - "Life's pretty tough in the fast lane. That's why I never leave the house without _____.", - "Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and _____.", - "Loving' you is easy 'cause you're _____.", - "Man, this is bullshit. Fuck _____.", - "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's _____.", - "Members of New York's social elite are paying thousands of dollars just to experience _____.", - "Money can't buy me love, but it can buy me _____.", - "MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with _____.", - "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of _____.", - "My gym teacher got fired for adding _____ to the obstacle course.", - "My new favorite porn star is Joey "_____" McGee.", - "My plan for world domination begins with _____.", - "Next from J.K Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of _____.", - "Next on ESPN2, the World Series of _____.", - "Next time on Dr. Phil: How to talk to your child about _____.", - "Now in bookstores: "The Audacity of _____," by Barack Obama", - "Only two things in life are certain: death and _____.", - "Science will never explain _____.", - "She's up all night for good fun. I'm up all night for _____.", - "_____. That's how I want to die.", - "The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in _____.", - "The CIA now interrogates enemy agents by repeatedly subjecting them to _____.", - "The class field trip was completely ruined by _____.", - "The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, _____, acceptance.", - "The healing process began when I joined a support group for victims of _____.", - "The Japanese have developed a smaller, more efficient version of _____.", - "The new Chevy Tahoe. With the power and space to take _____ everywhere you go.", - "The secret to a lasting marriage is communication, communication, and _____.", - "The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an interactive exhibit on _____.", - "The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to _____ is a basic human right.", - "This is the prime of my life. I'm young, hot, and full of _____.", - "This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with _____.", - "This is your captain speaking. Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for _____.", - "This month's Cosmo: "Spice up your sex life by bringing _____ into the bedroom."", - "Today on Maury: "Help! My son is _____!"", - "Tonight on 20/20: What you don't know about _____ could kill you.", - "To prepare for his upcoming role, Daniel Day-Lewis immersed himself in the world of _____.", - "TSA guidelines now prohibit _____ on airplanes.", - "Turns out that _____-Man was neither the hero we needed nor wanted.", - "War! What is it good for?", - "Well what do you have to say for yourself, Casey? This is the third time you've been sent to the principals office for _____.", - "Wes Anderson's new film tells the story of a precious child coming to terms with _____.", - "What am I giving up for Lent?", - "What are my parents hiding from me?", - "What brought the orgy to a grinding halt?", - "What did I bring back from mexico?", - "What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?", - "What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner?", - "What don't you want to find in your Kung Pao chicken?", - "What ended my last relationship?", - "What gets better with age?", - "What gives me uncontrollable gas?", - "What has been making life difficult at the nudist colony?", - "What helps Obama unwind?", - "What is Batman's guilty pleasure?", - "What killed my boner?", - "What left this stain on my couch?", - "What never fails to liven up the party?", - "What's a girl's best friend?", - "What's fun until it gets weird?", - "What's George W. Bush thinking about right now?", - "What's making things awkward in the sauna?", - "What's my anti-drug?", - "What's my secret power?", - "What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed?", - "What's that smell?", - "What's that sound?", - "What's the gift that keeps on giving?", - "What's the most emo?", - "What's the new fad diet?", - "What's the next happy meal toy?", - "What's there a ton of in heaven?", - "What will always get you laid?", - "What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard?", - "What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?", - "When all else fails, I can always masturbate to _____.", - "When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate _____.", - "When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of _____.", - "When I pooped, what came out of my butt?", - "When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of _____.", - "White people like _____.", - "WHOOO! God Damn I love _____!", - "Why am I broke?", - "Why am I sticky?", - "Why can't I sleep at night?", - "Why do I hurt all over?", - "Yo' mama so fat she _____!", - "Your persistence is admirable, my dear Prince. But you cannot win my heart with _____ alone." -] diff --git a/usr/share/swiftstory/lang/en/cards/white.json b/usr/share/swiftstory/lang/en/cards/white.json deleted file mode 100644 index 9b5af22..0000000 --- a/usr/share/swiftstory/lang/en/cards/white.json +++ /dev/null @@ -1,830 +0,0 @@ -[ - "10 Incredible Facts About the Anus.", - "24-hour media coverage.", - "40 acres and a mule.", - "50,000 volts straight to the nipples.", - "72 virgins.", - "8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin.", - "A 55-gallon drum of lube.", - "Aaron Burr.", - "A bag of magic beans.", - "A balanced breakfast.", - "A ball of earwax, semen, and toenail clippings.", - "A big black dick.", - "A bigger, blacker dick.", - "A bitch slap.", - "A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.", - "A bleached asshole.", - "A bloody pacifier.", - "A boo-boo.", - "A Bop It.", - "A botched circumcision.", - "A brain tumor.", - "A bucket of fish heads.", - "A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans.", - "A Burmese tiger pit.", - "A can of whoop-ass.", - "A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus.", - "A cooler full of organs.", - "A cop who is also a dog.", - "A crappy little hand.", - "A crazy little thing called love.", - "Active listening.", - "Actually getting shot, for real.", - "Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers.", - "A dance move that's just sex.", - "Adderall.", - "A defective condom.", - "A disappointing birthday party.", - "A disappointing salad.", - "A dollop of sour cream.", - "Advice from a wise, old black man.", - "A face full of horse cum.", - "A falcon with a cap on it's head.", - "A fart.", - "A fat bald man from the internet.", - "A fetus.", - "A Fleshlight.", - "A for-real lizard that spits blood from it's eyes.", - "A foul mouth.", - "Africa.", - "African children.", - "A gassy antelope.", - "A gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry.", - "A gentle caress of the inner thigh.", - "A giant powdery manbaby.", - "A good sniff.", - "A greased up Matthew McConaughey.", - "Agriculture.", - "A homoerotic volleyball montage.", - "A hopeless amount of spiders.", - "A horse with no legs.", - "AIDS.", - "AIDS monkeys.", - "A kiss on the lips.", - "A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint.", - "Alcoholism.", - "A lifetime of sadness.", - "A live studio audience.", - "All of my friends dying.", - "All of this blood.", - "All these decorative pillows.", - "All the single ladies.", - "All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.", - "Almost giving money to a homeless person.", - "A low standard of living.", - "Altar boys.", - "A magic hippie love cloud.", - "A manhole.", - "A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings.", - "A man on the brink of orgasm.", - "A mating display.", - "Ambiguous sarcasm.", - "A micropenis.", - "A micropig wearing a tiny raincoat and booties.", - "A middle-aged man on roller skates.", - "A mime having a stroke.", - "A monkey smoking a cigar.", - "A mopey zoo lion.", - "A mouthful of potato salad.", - "Amputees.", - "A murder most foul.", - "Anal beads.", - "Anal fissures like you wouldn't believe.", - "An all-midget production of Shakespeare's Richard III.", - "An army of skeletons.", - "An ass disaster.", - "An asymmetric boob job.", - "A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world.", - "Ancient Athenian boy-fucking.", - "Andre the Giant's enormous, leathery scrotum.", - "An endless stream of diarrhea.", - "An erection that lasts longer than four hours.", - "An ether-soaked rag.", - "An Etsy steampunk strap-on.", - "An evil man in evil clothes.", - "Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night.", - "An icepick lobotomy.", - "An inability to form meaningful relationships.", - "An interracial handshake.", - "An M16 assault rifle.", - "An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.", - "An Oedipus complex.", - "Another shot of morphine.", - "An oversized lollipop.", - "A nuanced critique.", - "An ugly face.", - "An unforgettable quinceanera.", - "An unhinged ferris wheel rolling towards the sea.", - "An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation.", - "An unstoppable wave of fire ants.", - "A one-way ticket to Gary, Indiana.", - "A passionate latino lover.", - "A pile of squirming bodies.", - "A pinata full of scorpions.", - "A plunger to the face.", - "A powered exoskeleton.", - "A PowerPoint presentation.", - "A pyramid of severed heads.", - "A Quesadilla Explosion Salad from Chili's.", - "A really cool hat.", - "A reason not to commit suicide.", - "A rival dojo.", - "Arnold Schwarzenegger.", - "A robust mongoloid.", - "A sad fat dragon with no friends.", - "A sad handjob.", - "A salty surprise.", - "A sassy black woman.", - "A sausage festival.", - "A sea of troubles.", - "A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness.", - "A sex goblin with a carnival penis.", - "A shiny rock that proves I love you.", - "Asians who aren't good at math.", - "A slightly shittier parallel universe.", - "A smiling black man, a latina businesswoman, a cool Asian, and some whites.", - "A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.", - "A sofa that says "I have style, but I like to be comfortable."", - "A soulful rendition of "Ol' Man River."", - "A spastic nerd.", - "A spontaneous conga line.", - "A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles.", - "Assless chaps.", - "Ass to mouth.", - "A stray pube.", - "A subscription to Men's fitness.", - "A Super Soaker full of cat pee.", - "A surprising amount of hair.", - "A sweaty, panting leather daddy.", - "A sweet spaceship.", - "A team of lawyers.", - "A thermonuclear detonation.", - "A time travel paradox.", - "A tiny horse.", - "A tribe of warrior women.", - "A Ugandan warlord.", - "Auschwitz.", - "Authentic Mexican cuisine.", - "Autocannibalism.", - "A vagina that leads to another dimension.", - "A web of lies.", - "A whole new kind of porn.", - "A windmill full of corpses.", - "AXE Body Spray.", - "A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home.", - "A zesty breakfast burrito.", - "Backwards knees.", - "Balls.", - "Barack Obama.", - "Basic human decency.", - "BATMAN!!!", - "Battlefield amputations.", - "Beefin' over turf.", - "Bees?", - "Being a busy adult with many important things to do.", - "Being a dick to children.", - "Being a dinosaur.", - "Being a motherfucking sorcerer.", - "Being awesome at sex.", - "Being fabulous.", - "Being fat and stupid.", - "Being marginalized.", - "Being nine years old.", - "Being on fire.", - "Being paralyzed from the neck down.", - "Being rich.", - "Being worshipped as the one true God.", - "Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone.", - "Bill Nye the Science Guy.", - "Bingeing and purging.", - "Bio-engineered assault rifles with acid breath.", - "Bitches.", - "Blackface.", - "Black people.", - "Blackula.", - "Blood farts.", - "Blowing some dudes in an alley.", - "Blowjobs for everyone.", - "Boogers.", - "Boring vaginal sex.", - "Boris the Soviet Love Hammer.", - "Bosnian chicken farmers.", - "Bouncing up and down.", - "Breaking out into song and dance.", - "Brown people.", - "Bullshit.", - "Butt stuff.", - "Buying the right pants to be cool.", - "Calculating every mannerism so as to not suggest homosexuality.", - "Cards Against Humanity.", - "Carnies.", - "Catapults.", - "Catastrophic urethral trauma.", - "Centaurs.", - "Chainsaws for hands.", - "Changing a person's mind with logic and facts.", - "Cheating in the Special Olympics.", - "Child abuse.", - "Child beauty pageants.", - "Child Protective Services.", - "Children on leashes.", - "Child support payments.", - "Christopher Walken.", - "Chrystal meth.", - "Chugging a lava lamp.", - "Chunks of dead hitchhiker.", - "Civilian casualties.", - "Clams.", - "Classist undertones.", - "Clenched butt cheeks.", - "Coat hanger abortions.", - "Cock.", - "Committing mid-blowjob.", - "Concealing a boner.", - "Consensual sex.", - "Copping a feel.", - "Count Chocula.", - "Court-ordered rehab.", - "Crazy opium eyes.", - "Crippling debt.", - "Crucifixion.", - "Crumbs all over the god damn carpet.", - "Crushing Mr. Peanut's brittle body.", - "Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.", - "Cuddling.", - "Cutting off a flamingo's legs with garden shears.", - "Cybernetic enhancements.", - "Daddy issues.", - "Daddy's credit card.", - "Daniel Radcliffe's delicious asshole.", - "Dark and mysterious forces beyond our control.", - "Darth Vader.", - "Dead babies.", - "Dead parents.", - "Death by Steven Seagal.", - "Deez nuts.", - "Deflowering the princess.", - "Demonic possession.", - "Dem titties.", - "Denzel.", - "Depression.", - "Destroying the evidence.", - "Dick Cheney.", - "Dick fingers.", - "Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends."", - "Disco fever.", - "Doing the right stuff to her nipples.", - "Doing the right thing.", - "Doin' it in the butt.", - "Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza.", - "Doo-doo.", - "Dorito breath.", - "Double penetration.", - "Drinking alone.", - "Drinking responsibly.", - "Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs to get fifty continuous hours of energy.", - "Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.", - "Dry heaving.", - "Dying.", - "Dying alone and in pain.", - "Dying of dysentery.", - "Eating an albino.", - "Eating the last known bison.", - "Edible underpants.", - "Ejaculating live bees and bees are angry.", - "Elderly Japanese men.", - "Embryonic stem cells.", - "Emotions.", - "Ennui.", - "Enormous Scandinavian women.", - "Erectile dysfunction.", - "Estrogen.", - "Ethnic cleansing.", - "Eugenics.", - "Exactly what you'd expect.", - "Existing.", - "Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor.", - "Exploding pigeons.", - "Explosions.", - "Extremely tight pants.", - "Fabricating statistics.", - "Falling into the toilet.", - "Famine.", - "Fancy Feast.", - "Farting and walking away.", - "Fear itself.", - "Feeding Rosie O'Donnell.", - "Fetal alcohol syndrome.", - "Fiery poops.", - "Figgy pudding.", - "Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin.", - "Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding.", - "Finally finishing off the Indians.", - "Finding Waldo.", - "Fingering.", - "Finger painting.", - "Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.", - "Fisting.", - "Five-Dollar Footlongs.", - "Flesh-eating bacteria.", - "Flightless birds.", - "Flying robots that kill people.", - "Flying sex snakes.", - "Foreskin.", - "Former President George W. Bush.", - "Free ice cream, yo.", - "Free samples.", - "Friction.", - "Friendly fire.", - "Friends with benefits.", - "Frolicking.", - "Fucking a corpse back to life.", - "Fuck Mountain.", - "Full frontal nudity.", - "Funky fresh rhymes.", - "Gandalf.", - "Gandhi.", - "Gay aliens.", - "Geese.", - "Genetically engineered super-soldiers.", - "Genghis Khan.", - "Genghis Khan's DNA.", - "Genuine human connection.", - "George Clooney's musk.", - "German dungeon porn.", - "Getting abducted by Peter Pan.", - "Getting caught by the police and going to jail.", - "Getting drive-by shot.", - "Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri.", - "Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group.", - "Getting in her pants, politely.", - "Getting married, having a few kids, buying some cool stuff, retiring to Florida, and dying.", - "Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon.", - "Getting really high.", - "Getting so angry that you pop a boner.", - "Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick.", - "Ghosts.", - "Giant sperm from outer space.", - "Girls that always be texting'.", - "Giving 110%.", - "Giving birth to the Antichrist.", - "Gladiatorial combat.", - "Gloryholes.", - "Goblins.", - "God.", - "Gogurt.", - "Going around punching people.", - "Going to a high school reunion on ketamine.", - "Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis.", - "Grandma.", - "Grandpa's ashes.", - "Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.", - "Grave robbing.", - "Growing a pair.", - "Half-assed foreplay.", - "Harry Potter erotica.", - "Having anuses for eyes.", - "Having a penis.", - "Having been dead for a while.", - "Having sex on top of a pizza.", - "Having shotguns for legs.", - "Heartwarming orphans.", - "Helplessly giggling at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis.", - "Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.", - "Heteronormativity.", - "Hillary Clinton's death stare.", - "Hip hop jewels.", - "Hipsters.", - "Historically black colleges.", - "Historical revisionism.", - "Holding down a child and farting all over him.", - "Homeless people.", - "Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine.", - "Hope.", - "Hormone injections.", - "Horrifying laser removal accidents.", - "Horse meat.", - "Hospice care.", - "Hot cheese.", - "Hot people.", - "Hot Pockets.", - "How awesome I am.", - "Hurricane Katrina.", - "Inappropriate yodeling.", - "Incest.", - "Indescribable loneliness.", - "Injecting speed into one arm and horse tranquilizer into the other.", - "Insatiable bloodlust.", - "Inserting a mason jar into my anus.", - "Interspecies marriage.", - "Intimacy problems.", - "Invading Poland.", - "Italians.", - "Jafar.", - "Jean-Claude Van Damme in slow motion.", - "Jeff Goldblum.", - "Jerking off into a pool of children's tears.", - "Jewish fraternities.", - "Jizz.", - "Jobs.", - "Joe Biden.", - "John Wilkes Booth.", - "Judge Judy.", - "Jumping out at people.", - "Justin Bieber.", - "Just the tip.", - "Kamikaze pilots.", - "Kanye West.", - "Keanu Reeves.", - "Khakis.", - "Kids with ass cancer.", - "Lactation.", - "Lady Gaga.", - "Lance Armstrong's missing testicle.", - "Land mines.", - "Laying an egg.", - "Leprosy.", - "Letting everyone down.", - "Levelling up.", - "Licking things to claim them as your own.", - "Literally eating shit.", - "Living in a trashcan.", - "Lockjaw.", - "Loki, the trickster god.", - "Lots and lots of abortions.", - "Lumberjack fantasies.", - "Lunchables.", - "Mad hacky-sack skills.", - "Magnets.", - "Making a friend.", - "Making a pouty face.", - "Making the penises kiss.", - "Man meat.", - "Masturbation.", - "Maximal insertion.", - "Me.", - "MechaHitler.", - "Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament.", - "Men.", - "Menstrual rage.", - "Me time.", - "Michael Jackson.", - "Michelle Obama's arms.", - "Mild autism.", - "Miley Cyrus at 55.", - "Moderate to severe joint pain.", - "Mom.", - "Moms new boyfriend.", - "Mooing.", - "Moral ambiguity.", - "Morgan Freeman's voice.", - "Mouth herpes.", - "Mr. Clean, right behind you.", - "Mufasa's death scene.", - "Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him).", - "Multiple stab wounds.", - "Mutually-assured destruction.", - "My black ass.", - "My boyfriend's stupid penis.", - "My collection of high-tech sex toys.", - "My dad's dumb fucking face.", - "My dead son's baseball glove.", - "My first kill.", - "My first period.", - "My genitals.", - "My humps.", - "My inner demons.", - "My machete.", - "My manservant, Claude.", - "My relationship status.", - "My sex dungeon.", - "My sex life.", - "My soul.", - "My vagina.", - "My worthless son.", - "Natalie Portman.", - "Natural male enhancement.", - "Natural selection.", - "Nazis.", - "Necrophilia.", - "Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits.", - "Neil Patrick Harris.", - "New Age music.", - "Nickelback.", - "Nicolas Cage.", - "Nipple blades.", - "No clothes on, penis in vagina.", - "Not believing in giraffes.", - "Not contributing to society in any meaningful way.", - "Not giving a shit about the Third World.", - "Not having sex.", - "Nothing.", - "Not reciprocating oral sex.", - "Not wearing pants.", - "Nubile slave boys.", - "Nunchuck moves.", - "Object permanence.", - "Oil!", - "Old-people smell.", - "Oncoming traffic.", - "One Ring to rule them all.", - "One thousand Slim Jims.", - "One trillion dollars.", - "Oompa-Loompas.", - "Opposable thumbs.", - "Our first chimpanzee president.", - "Out-of-this-world bazongos.", - "Overcompensation.", - "Overpowering your father.", - "Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.", - "Panda sex.", - "Party Mexicans.", - "Passive-aggressive Post-it notes.", - "Pedophiles.", - "Peeing a little bit.", - "Penis breath.", - "Penis envy.", - "P.F. Chang himself.", - "Pictures of boobs.", - "Pixelated bukkake.", - "Police brutality.", - "Pooping back and forth. Forever.", - "Poopy diapers.", - "Poor life choices.", - "Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.", - "Poor people.", - "Power.", - "Powerful thighs.", - "Prancing.", - "Praying the gay away.", - "Preteens.", - "Pretending to care.", - "Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game.", - "Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa.", - "Puberty.", - "Public ridicule.", - "Pulling out.", - "Pumping out a baby every nine months.", - "Puppies!", - "Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR.", - "Queefing.", - "Quiche.", - "Quivering jowls.", - "Racially-biased SAT questions.", - "Racism.", - "Raptor attacks.", - "Repression.", - "Republicans.", - "Revenge fucking.", - "Reverse cowgirl.", - "Riding off into the sunset.", - "Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.", - "Rising from the grave.", - "Road head.", - "Robert Downey, Jr.", - "RoboCop.", - "Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.", - "Ronald Reagan.", - "Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere.", - "Running out of semen.", - "Rush Limbaugh's soft, shitty body.", - "Russian super-tuberculosis.", - "Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.", - "Same-sex ice dancing.", - "Samuel L. Jackson.", - "Sanding off a man's nose.", - "Santa Claus.", - "Sarah Palin.", - "Savagely beating a mascot.", - "Saxophone solos.", - "Saying "I love you."", - "Science.", - "Scientology.", - "Screaming like a maniac.", - "Scrotal frostbite.", - "Scrotum tickling.", - "Sean Connery.", - "Sean Penn.", - "Seeing grandma naked.", - "Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes.", - "Seeing things from Hitler's perspective.", - "Self-flagellation.", - "Self-loathing.", - "Seppuku.", - "September 11th, 2001.", - "Serfdom.", - "Sexual humiliation.", - "Sexual peeing.", - "Sexual Tension.", - "Sex with Patrick Stewart.", - "Sexy pillow fights.", - "Shaft.", - "Shapeshifters.", - "Shaquille O'Neal's acting career.", - "Sharks with legs.", - "Shiny objects.", - "Shutting the fuck up.", - "Silence.", - "Skeletor.", - "Slapping a racist old lady.", - "Slowly easing down onto a cucumber.", - "Smallpox blankets.", - "Smegma.", - "Smoking crack, for instance.", - "Sneezing, farting and coming at the same time.", - "Sniffing glue.", - "Snorting coke off a clown's boner", - "Social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion.", - "Some douche with an acoustic guitar.", - "Some god-damn peace and quiet.", - "Some kind of bird-man.", - "Some really fucked-up shit.", - "Some shit-hot guitar licks.", - "Some sort of Asian.", - "Soup that is too hot.", - "Special musical guest, Cher.", - "Spectacular abs.", - "Spending lots of money.", - "Sperm whales.", - "Spontaneous human combustion.", - "Sports.", - "Stalin.", - "Statistically validated stereotypes.", - "Stephen Hawking talking dirty.", - "Stockholm Syndrome.", - "Stuffing a child's face with Fun Dip until he starts having fun.", - "Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife.", - "Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.", - "Sugar madness.", - "Suicidal thoughts.", - "Sunshine and rainbows.", - "Surprise sex!", - "Sweet, sweet vengeance.", - "Swiftly achieving orgasm.", - "Switching to Geico.", - "Swooping.", - "Synergistic management solutions.", - "Syphilitic insanity.", - "Take-backsies.", - "Taking off your shirt.", - "Tasteful sideboob.", - "Teaching a robot to love.", - "Teenage pregnancy.", - "Tentacle porn.", - "Testicular torsion.", - "That ass.", - "The Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle.", - "The American Dream.", - "The Amish.", - "The art of seduction.", - "The basic suffering that pervades all of existence.", - "The Big Bang.", - "The black half of Barack Obama.", - "The black Power Ranger.", - "The Blood of Christ.", - "The boners of the elderly.", - "The Boy Scouts of America.", - "The Care Bear Stare.", - "The Chinese gymnastics team.", - "The chronic.", - "The clitoris.", - "The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East.", - "The cool, refreshing taste of Pepsi.", - "The day the birds attacked.", - "The Devil himself.", - "The economy.", - "The eight gay warlocks who dictate the rules of fashion.", - "The entire Internet.", - "The entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir.", - "The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter.", - "The female orgasm.", - "The folly of man.", - "The Force.", - "The four arms of Vishnu.", - "The gays.", - "The ghosts of Marlon Brando.", - "The glass ceiling.", - "The Great Depression.", - "The Gulags.", - "The Hamburglar.", - "The hardworking mexican.", - "The Harlem Globetrotters.", - "The harsh light of day.", - "The heart of a child.", - "The hiccups.", - "The Holy Bible.", - "The homosexual agenda.", - "The human body.", - "The Hustle.", - "The inevitable death of the universe.", - "The invisible hand.", - "The Jews.", - "The KKK.", - "The Kool-Aid Man.", - "The Land of Chocolate.", - "The light of a billion suns.", - "The Little Engine That Could.", - "The Make-A-Wish Foundation.", - "The mere concept of Applebees.", - "The milk man.", - "The miracle of childbirth.", - "The mixing of the races.", - "The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth.", - "The morbidly obese.", - "The new Radiohead album.", - "The ooze.", - "The passage of time.", - "The Patriarchy.", - "The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China.", - "The penny whistle solo from "My Heart Will Go On."", - "The pirate's life.", - "The placenta.", - "The Pope.", - "The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now.", - "The profoundly handicapped.", - "The Rapture.", - "The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.", - "The rhythms of Africa.", - "The safe word.", - "The secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction.", - "The shambling corpse of Larry King.", - "The size of my penis.", - "The South.", - "The swim team, all at once.", - "The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.", - "The Tempur-Pedic Swedish Sleep System.", - "The terrorists.", - "The thin veneer of situational casualty that underlies porn.", - "The Three-Fifths compromise.", - "The tiger that killed my father.", - "The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real.", - "The token minority.", - "The Trail of Tears.", - "The true meaning of Christmas.", - "The Ubermensch.", - "The unbelievable world of mushrooms.", - "The Underground Railroad.", - "The violation of our basic human rights.", - "The way white people is.", - "The white half of Barack Obama.", - "The wonders of the Orient.", - "The World of Warcraft.", - "The wrath of Vladimir Putin.", - "Third base.", - "This year's mass shooting.", - "Three consecutive seconds of happiness.", - "Three dicks at the same time.", - "Three months in the hole.", - "Throwing a virgin into a volcano.", - "Tiny nipples.", - "Tom Cruise.", - "Tongue.", - "Toni Morrison's vagina.", - "Too much cocaine.", - "Tripping balls.", - "Two midgets shitting into a bucket.", - "Unfathomable stupidity.", - "Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.", - "Unquestioning obedience.", - "Unrelenting genital punishment.", - "Used panties.", - "Vegetarian options.", - "Vehicular manslaughter.", - "Velcro.", - "Viagra.", - "Vietnam flashbacks.", - "Vigilante justice.", - "Vigorous jazz hands.", - "Vikings.", - "Waiting 'til marriage.", - "Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot.", - "Walking in on Dad peeing into mom's mouth.", - "Weapons-grade plutonium.", - "Wearing an octopus for a hat.", - "Wearing glasses and sounding smart.", - "Western standards of beauty.", - "Wet dreams.", - "Whatever a McRib is made of.", - "What Jesus would do.", - "When you fart and a little bit comes out.", - "Whining like a little bitch.", - "Whipping a disobedient slave.", - "Whipping it out.", - "Whispering all sexy.", - "White-man scalps.", - "White people.", - "White privilege.", - "Wifely duties.", - "William Shatner.", - "Winking at old people.", - "Wiping her butt.", - "Women in yogurt commercials.", - "Women's suffrage.", - "Words, words, words.", - "World peace.", - "Yeast.", - "YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.", - "Your weird brother.", - "Zeus's sexual appetites." -] |