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+10 Incredible Facts About the Anus.
+24-hour media coverage.
+40 acres and a mule.
+50,000 volts straight to the nipples.
+72 virgins.
+8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin.
+A 55-gallon drum of lube.
+Aaron Burr.
+A bag of magic beans.
+A balanced breakfast.
+A ball of earwax, semen, and toenail clippings.
+A big black dick.
+A bigger, blacker dick.
+A bitch slap.
+A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.
+A bleached asshole.
+A bloody pacifier.
+A boo-boo.
+A Bop It.
+A botched circumcision.
+A brain tumor.
+A bucket of fish heads.
+A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans.
+A Burmese tiger pit.
+A can of whoop-ass.
+A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus.
+A cooler full of organs.
+A cop who is also a dog.
+A crappy little hand.
+A crazy little thing called love.
+Active listening.
+Actually getting shot, for real.
+Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers.
+A dance move that's just sex.
+Adderall.
+A defective condom.
+A disappointing birthday party.
+A disappointing salad.
+A dollop of sour cream.
+Advice from a wise, old black man.
+A face full of horse cum.
+A falcon with a cap on it's head.
+A fart.
+A fat bald man from the internet.
+A fetus.
+A Fleshlight.
+A for-real lizard that spits blood from it's eyes.
+A foul mouth.
+Africa.
+African children.
+A gassy antelope.
+A gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry.
+A gentle caress of the inner thigh.
+A giant powdery manbaby.
+A good sniff.
+A greased up Matthew McConaughey.
+Agriculture.
+A homoerotic volleyball montage.
+A hopeless amount of spiders.
+A horse with no legs.
+AIDS.
+AIDS monkeys.
+A kiss on the lips.
+A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint.
+Alcoholism.
+A lifetime of sadness.
+A live studio audience.
+All of my friends dying.
+All of this blood.
+All these decorative pillows.
+All the single ladies.
+All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.
+Almost giving money to a homeless person.
+A low standard of living.
+Altar boys.
+A magic hippie love cloud.
+A manhole.
+A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings.
+A man on the brink of orgasm.
+A mating display.
+Ambiguous sarcasm.
+A micropenis.
+A micropig wearing a tiny raincoat and booties.
+A middle-aged man on roller skates.
+A mime having a stroke.
+A monkey smoking a cigar.
+A mopey zoo lion.
+A mouthful of potato salad.
+Amputees.
+A murder most foul.
+Anal beads.
+Anal fissures like you wouldn't believe.
+An all-midget production of Shakespeare's Richard III.
+An army of skeletons.
+An ass disaster.
+An asymmetric boob job.
+A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world.
+Ancient Athenian boy-fucking.
+Andre the Giant's enormous, leathery scrotum.
+An endless stream of diarrhea.
+An erection that lasts longer than four hours.
+An ether-soaked rag.
+An Etsy steampunk strap-on.
+An evil man in evil clothes.
+Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night.
+An icepick lobotomy.
+An inability to form meaningful relationships.
+An interracial handshake.
+An M16 assault rifle.
+An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.
+An Oedipus complex.
+Another shot of morphine.
+An oversized lollipop.
+A nuanced critique.
+An ugly face.
+An unforgettable quinceanera.
+An unhinged ferris wheel rolling towards the sea.
+An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation.
+An unstoppable wave of fire ants.
+A one-way ticket to Gary, Indiana.
+A passionate latino lover.
+A pile of squirming bodies.
+A pinata full of scorpions.
+A plunger to the face.
+A powered exoskeleton.
+A PowerPoint presentation.
+A pyramid of severed heads.
+A Quesadilla Explosion Salad from Chili's.
+A really cool hat.
+A reason not to commit suicide.
+A rival dojo.
+Arnold Schwarzenegger.
+A robust mongoloid.
+A sad fat dragon with no friends.
+A sad handjob.
+A salty surprise.
+A sassy black woman.
+A sausage festival.
+A sea of troubles.
+A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness.
+A sex goblin with a carnival penis.
+A shiny rock that proves I love you.
+Asians who aren't good at math.
+A slightly shittier parallel universe.
+A smiling black man, a latina businesswoman, a cool Asian, and some whites.
+A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.
+A sofa that says "I have style, but I like to be comfortable."
+A soulful rendition of "Ol' Man River."
+A spastic nerd.
+A spontaneous conga line.
+A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles.
+Assless chaps.
+Ass to mouth.
+A stray pube.
+A subscription to Men's fitness.
+A Super Soaker full of cat pee.
+A surprising amount of hair.
+A sweaty, panting leather daddy.
+A sweet spaceship.
+A team of lawyers.
+A thermonuclear detonation.
+A time travel paradox.
+A tiny horse.
+A tribe of warrior women.
+A Ugandan warlord.
+Auschwitz.
+Authentic Mexican cuisine.
+Autocannibalism.
+A vagina that leads to another dimension.
+A web of lies.
+A whole new kind of porn.
+A windmill full of corpses.
+AXE Body Spray.
+A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home.
+A zesty breakfast burrito.
+Backwards knees.
+Balls.
+Barack Obama.
+Basic human decency.
+BATMAN!!!
+Battlefield amputations.
+Beefin' over turf.
+Bees?
+Being a busy adult with many important things to do.
+Being a dick to children.
+Being a dinosaur.
+Being a motherfucking sorcerer.
+Being awesome at sex.
+Being fabulous.
+Being fat and stupid.
+Being marginalized.
+Being nine years old.
+Being on fire.
+Being paralyzed from the neck down.
+Being rich.
+Being worshipped as the one true God.
+Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone.
+Bill Nye the Science Guy.
+Bingeing and purging.
+Bio-engineered assault rifles with acid breath.
+Bitches.
+Blackface.
+Black people.
+Blackula.
+Blood farts.
+Blowing some dudes in an alley.
+Blowjobs for everyone.
+Boogers.
+Boring vaginal sex.
+Boris the Soviet Love Hammer.
+Bosnian chicken farmers.
+Bouncing up and down.
+Breaking out into song and dance.
+Brown people.
+Bullshit.
+Butt stuff.
+Buying the right pants to be cool.
+Calculating every mannerism so as to not suggest homosexuality.
+Cards Against Humanity.
+Carnies.
+Catapults.
+Catastrophic urethral trauma.
+Centaurs.
+Chainsaws for hands.
+Changing a person's mind with logic and facts.
+Cheating in the Special Olympics.
+Child abuse.
+Child beauty pageants.
+Child Protective Services.
+Children on leashes.
+Child support payments.
+Christopher Walken.
+Chrystal meth.
+Chugging a lava lamp.
+Chunks of dead hitchhiker.
+Civilian casualties.
+Clams.
+Classist undertones.
+Clenched butt cheeks.
+Coat hanger abortions.
+Cock.
+Committing mid-blowjob.
+Concealing a boner.
+Consensual sex.
+Copping a feel.
+Count Chocula.
+Court-ordered rehab.
+Crazy opium eyes.
+Crippling debt.
+Crucifixion.
+Crumbs all over the god damn carpet.
+Crushing Mr. Peanut's brittle body.
+Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.
+Cuddling.
+Cutting off a flamingo's legs with garden shears.
+Cybernetic enhancements.
+Daddy issues.
+Daddy's credit card.
+Daniel Radcliffe's delicious asshole.
+Dark and mysterious forces beyond our control.
+Darth Vador.
+Dead babies.
+Dead parents.
+Death by Steven Seagal.
+Deez nuts.
+Deflowering the princess.
+Demonic possession.
+Dem titties.
+Denzel.
+Depression.
+Destroying the evidence.
+Dick Cheney.
+Dick fingers.
+Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends."
+Disco fever.
+Doing the right stuff to her nipples.
+Doing the right thing.
+Doin' it in the butt.
+Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza.
+Doo-doo.
+Dorito breath.
+Double penetration.
+Drinking alone.
+Drinking responsibly.
+Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs to get fifty continuous hours of energy.
+Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.
+Dry heaving.
+Dying.
+Dying alone and in pain.
+Dying of dysentery.
+Eating an albino.
+Eating the last known bison.
+Edible underpants.
+Ejaculating live bees and bees are angry.
+Elderly Japanese men.
+Embryonic stem cells.
+Emotions.
+Ennui.
+Enormous Scandinavian women.
+Erectile dysfunction.
+Estrogen.
+Ethnic cleansing.
+Eugenics.
+Exactly what you'd expect.
+Existing.
+Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor.
+Exploding pigeons.
+Explosions.
+Extremely tight pants.
+Fabricating statistics.
+Falling into the toilet.
+Famine.
+Fancy Feast.
+Farting and walking away.
+Fear itself.
+Feeding Rosie O'Donnell.
+Fetal alcohol syndrome.
+Fiery poops.
+Figgy pudding.
+Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin.
+Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding.
+Finally finishing off the Indians.
+Finding Waldo.
+Fingering.
+Finger painting.
+Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.
+Fisting.
+Five-Dollar Footlongs.
+Flesh-eating bacteria.
+Flightless birds.
+Flying robots that kill people.
+Flying sex snakes.
+Foreskin.
+Former President George W. Bush.
+Free ice cream, yo.
+Free samples.
+Friction.
+Friendly fire.
+Friends with benefits.
+Frolicking.
+Fucking a corpse back to life.
+Fuck Mountain.
+Full frontal nudity.
+Funky fresh rhymes.
+Gandalf.
+Gandhi.
+Gay aliens.
+Geese.
+Genetically engineered super-soldiers.
+Genghis Khan.
+Genghis Khan's DNA.
+Genuine human connection.
+George Clooney's musk.
+German dungeon porn.
+Getting abducted by Peter Pan.
+Getting caught by the police and going to jail.
+Getting drive-by shot.
+Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri.
+Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group.
+Getting in her pants, politely.
+Getting married, having a few kids, buying some cool stuff, retiring to Florida, and dying.
+Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon.
+Getting really high.
+Getting so angry that you pop a boner.
+Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick.
+Ghosts.
+Giant sperm from outer space.
+Girls that always be texting'.
+Giving 110%.
+Giving birth to the Antichrist.
+Gladiatorial combat.
+Gloryholes.
+Goblins.
+God.
+Gogurt.
+Going around punching people.
+Going to a high school reunion on ketamine.
+Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis.
+Grandma.
+Grandpa's ashes.
+Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.
+Grave robbing.
+Growing a pair.
+Half-assed foreplay.
+Harry Potter erotica.
+Having anuses for eyes.
+Having a penis.
+Having been dead for a while.
+Having sex on top of a pizza.
+Having shotguns for legs.
+Heartwarming orphans.
+Helplessly giggling at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis.
+Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.
+Heteronormativity.
+Hillary Clinton's death stare.
+Hip hop jewels.
+Hipsters.
+Historically black colleges.
+Historical revisionism.
+Holding down a child and farting all over him.
+Homeless people.
+Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine.
+Hope.
+Hormone injections.
+Horrifying laser removal accidents.
+Horse meat.
+Hospice care.
+Hot cheese.
+Hot people.
+Hot Pockets.
+How awesome I am.
+Hurricane Katrina.
+Inappropriate yodeling.
+Incest.
+Indescribable loneliness.
+Injecting speed into one arm and horse tranquilizer into the other.
+Insatiable bloodlust.
+Inserting a mason jar into my anus.
+Interspecies marriage.
+Intimacy problems.
+Invading Poland.
+Italians.
+Jafar.
+Jean-Claude Van Damme in slow motion.
+Jeff Goldblum.
+Jerking off into a pool of children's tears.
+Jewish fraternities.
+Jizz.
+Jobs.
+Joe Biden.
+John Wilkes Booth.
+Judge Judy.
+Jumping out at people.
+Justin Bieber.
+Just the tip.
+Kamikaze pilots.
+Kanye West.
+Keanu Reeves.
+Khakis.
+Kids with ass cancer.
+Lactation.
+Lady Gaga.
+Lance Armstrong's missing testicle.
+Land mines.
+Laying an egg.
+Leprosy.
+Letting everyone down.
+Levelling up.
+Licking things to claim them as your own.
+Literally eating shit.
+Living in a trashcan.
+Lockjaw.
+Loki, the trickster god.
+Lots and lots of abortions.
+Lumberjack fantasies.
+Lunchables.
+Mad hacky-sack skills.
+Magnets.
+Making a friend.
+Making a pouty face.
+Making the penises kiss.
+Man meat.
+Masturbation.
+Maximal insertion.
+Me.
+MechaHitler.
+Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament.
+Men.
+Menstrual rage.
+Me time.
+Michael Jackson.
+Michelle Obama's arms.
+Mild autism.
+Miley Cyrus at 55.
+Moderate to severe joint pain.
+Mom.
+Moms new boyfriend.
+Mooing.
+Moral ambiguity.
+Morgan Freeman's voice.
+Mouth herpes.
+Mr. Clean, right behind you.
+Mufasa's death scene.
+Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him).
+Multiple stab wounds.
+Mutually-assured destruction.
+My black ass.
+My boyfriend's stupid penis.
+My collection of high-tech sex toys.
+My dad's dumb fucking face.
+My dead son's baseball glove.
+My first kill.
+My first period.
+My genitals.
+My humps.
+My inner demons.
+My machete.
+My manservant, Claude.
+My relationship status.
+My sex dungeon.
+My sex life.
+My soul.
+My vagina.
+My worthless son.
+Natalie Portman.
+Natural male enhancement.
+Natural selection.
+Nazis.
+Necrophilia.
+Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits.
+Neil Patrick Harris.
+New Age music.
+Nickelback.
+Nicolas Cage.
+Nipple blades.
+No clothes on, penis in vagina.
+Not believing in giraffes.
+Not contributing to society in any meaningful way.
+Not giving a shit about the Third World.
+Not having sex.
+Nothing.
+Not reciprocating oral sex.
+Not wearing pants.
+Nubile slave boys.
+Nunchuck moves.
+Object permanence.
+Oil!
+Old-people smell.
+Oncoming traffic.
+One Ring to rule them all.
+One thousand Slim Jims.
+One trillion dollars.
+Oompa-Loompas.
+Opposable thumbs.
+Our first chimpanzee president.
+Out-of-this-world bazongos.
+Overcompensation.
+Overpowering your father.
+Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.
+Panda sex.
+Party Mexicans.
+Passive-aggressive Post-it notes.
+Pedophiles.
+Peeing a little bit.
+Penis breath.
+Penis envy.
+P.F. Chang himself.
+Pictures of boobs.
+Pixelated bukkake.
+Police brutality.
+Pooping back and forth. Forever.
+Poopy diapers.
+Poor life choices.
+Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.
+Poor people.
+Power.
+Powerful thighs.
+Prancing.
+Praying the gay away.
+Preteens.
+Pretending to care.
+Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game.
+Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa.
+Puberty.
+Public ridicule.
+Pulling out.
+Pumping out a baby every nine months.
+Puppies!
+Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR.
+Queefing.
+Quiche.
+Quivering jowls.
+Racially-biased SAT questions.
+Racism.
+Raptor attacks.
+Repression.
+Republicans.
+Revenge fucking.
+Reverse cowgirl.
+Riding off into the sunset.
+Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.
+Rising from the grave.
+Road head.
+Robert Downey, Jr.
+RoboCop.
+Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.
+Ronald Reagan.
+Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere.
+Running out of semen.
+Rush Limbaugh's soft, shitty body.
+Russian super-tuberculosis.
+Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.
+Same-sex ice dancing.
+Samuel L. Jackson.
+Sanding off a man's nose.
+Santa Claus.
+Sarah Palin.
+Savagely beating a mascot.
+Saxophone solos.
+Saying "I love you."
+Science.
+Scientology.
+Screaming like a maniac.
+Scrotal frostbite.
+Scrotum tickling.
+Sean Connery.
+Sean Penn.
+Seeing grandma naked.
+Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes.
+Seeing things from Hitler's perspective.
+Self-flagellation.
+Self-loathing.
+Seppuku.
+September 11th, 2001.
+Serfdom.
+Sexual humiliation.
+Sexual peeing.
+Sexual Tension.
+Sex with Patrick Stewart.
+Sexy pillow fights.
+Shaft.
+Shapeshifters.
+Shaquille O'Neal's acting career.
+Sharks with legs.
+Shiny objects.
+Shutting the fuck up.
+Silence.
+Skeletor.
+Slapping a racist old lady.
+Slowly easing down onto a cucumber.
+Smallpox blankets.
+Smegma.
+Smoking crack, for instance.
+Sneezing, farting and coming at the same time.
+Sniffing glue.
+Snorting coke off a clown's boner
+Social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion.
+Some douche with an acoustic guitar.
+Some god-damn peace and quiet.
+Some kind of bird-man.
+Some really fucked-up shit.
+Some shit-hot guitar licks.
+Some sort of Asian.
+Soup that is too hot.
+Special musical guest, Cher.
+Spectacular abs.
+Spending lots of money.
+Sperm whales.
+Spontaneous human combustion.
+Sports.
+Stalin.
+Statistically validated stereotypes.
+Stephen Hawking talking dirty.
+Stockholm Syndrome.
+Stuffing a child's face with Fun Dip until he starts having fun.
+Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife.
+Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.
+Sugar madness.
+Suicidal thoughts.
+Sunshine and rainbows.
+Surprise sex!
+Sweet, sweet vengeance.
+Swiftly achieving orgasm.
+Switching to Geico.
+Swooping.
+Synergistic management solutions.
+Syphilitic insanity.
+Take-backsies.
+Taking off your shirt.
+Tasteful sideboob.
+Teaching a robot to love.
+Teenage pregnancy.
+Tentacle porn.
+Testicular torsion.
+That ass.
+The Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle.
+The American Dream.
+The Amish.
+The art of seduction.
+The basic suffering that pervades all of existence.
+The Big Bang.
+The black half of Barack Obama.
+The black Power Ranger.
+The Blood of Christ.
+The boners of the elderly.
+The Boy Scouts of America.
+The Care Bear Stare.
+The Chinese gymnastics team.
+The chronic.
+The clitoris.
+The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East.
+The cool, refreshing taste of Pepsi.
+The day the birds attacked.
+The Devil himself.
+The economy.
+The eight gay warlocks who dictate the rules of fashion.
+The entire Internet.
+The entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
+The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter.
+The female orgasm.
+The folly of man.
+The Force.
+The four arms of Vishnu.
+The gays.
+The ghosts of Marlon Brando.
+The glass ceiling.
+The Great Depression.
+The Gulags.
+The Hamburglar.
+The hardworking mexican.
+The Harlem Globetrotters.
+The harsh light of day.
+The heart of a child.
+The hiccups.
+The Holy Bible.
+The homosexual agenda.
+The human body.
+The Hustle.
+The inevitable death of the universe.
+The invisible hand.
+The Jews.
+The KKK.
+The Kool-Aid Man.
+The Land of Chocolate.
+The light of a billion suns.
+The Little Engine That Could.
+The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
+The mere concept of Applebees.
+The milk man.
+The miracle of childbirth.
+The mixing of the races.
+The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth.
+The morbidly obese.
+The new Radiohead album.
+The ooze.
+The passage of time.
+The Patriarchy.
+The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China.
+The penny whistle solo from "My Heart Will Go On."
+The pirate's life.
+The placenta.
+The Pope.
+The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now.
+The profoundly handicapped.
+The Rapture.
+The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
+The rhythms of Africa.
+The safe word.
+The secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction.
+The shambling corpse of Larry King.
+The size of my penis.
+The South.
+The swim team, all at once.
+The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.
+The Tempur-Pedic Swedish Sleep System.
+The terrorists.
+The thin veneer of situational casualty that underlies porn.
+The Three-Fifths compromise.
+The tiger that killed my father.
+The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real.
+The token minority.
+The Trail of Tears.
+The true meaning of Christmas.
+The Ubermensch.
+The unbelievable world of mushrooms.
+The Underground Railroad.
+The violation of our basic human rights.
+The way white people is.
+The white half of Barack Obama.
+The wonders of the Orient.
+The World of Warcraft.
+The wrath of Vladimir Putin.
+Third base.
+This year's mass shooting.
+Three consecutive seconds of happiness.
+Three dicks at the same time.
+Three months in the hole.
+Throwing a virgin into a volcano.
+Tiny nipples.
+Tom Cruise.
+Tongue.
+Toni Morrison's vagina.
+Too much cocaine.
+Tripping balls.
+Two midgets shitting into a bucket.
+Unfathomable stupidity.
+Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.
+Unquestioning obedience.
+Unrelenting genital punishment.
+Used panties.
+Vegetarian options.
+Vehicular manslaughter.
+Velcro.
+Viagra.
+Vietnam flashbacks.
+Vigilante justice.
+Vigorous jazz hands.
+Vikings.
+Waiting 'til marriage.
+Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot.
+Walking in on Dad peeing into mom's mouth.
+Weapons-grade plutonium.
+Wearing an octopus for a hat.
+Wearing glasses and sounding smart.
+Western standards of beauty.
+Wet dreams.
+Whatever a McRib is made of.
+What Jesus would do.
+When you fart and a little bit comes out.
+Whining like a little bitch.
+Whipping a disobedient slave.
+Whipping it out.
+Whispering all sexy.
+White-man scalps.
+White people.
+White privilege.
+Wifely duties.
+William Shatner.
+Winking at old people.
+Wiping her butt.
+Women in yogurt commercials.
+Women's suffrage.
+Words, words, words.
+World peace.
+Yeast.
+YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.
+Your weird brother.
+Zeus's sexual appetites.