path: root/usr/share/swiftstory/lang/en/cards/white

10 Incredible Facts About the Anus.
24-hour media coverage.
40 acres and a mule.
50,000 volts straight to the nipples.
72 virgins.
8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin.
A 55-gallon drum of lube.
Aaron Burr.
A bag of magic beans.
A balanced breakfast.
A ball of earwax, semen, and toenail clippings.
A big black dick.
A bigger, blacker dick.
A bitch slap.
A black male in his early 20s, last seen wearing a hoodie.
A bleached asshole.
A bloody pacifier.
A boo-boo.
A Bop It.
A botched circumcision.
A brain tumor.
A bucket of fish heads.
A bunch of idiots playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans.
A Burmese tiger pit.
A can of whoop-ass.
A cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus.
A cooler full of organs.
A cop who is also a dog.
A crappy little hand.
A crazy little thing called love.
Active listening.
Actually getting shot, for real.
Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers.
A dance move that's just sex.
Adderall.
A defective condom.
A disappointing birthday party.
A disappointing salad.
A dollop of sour cream.
Advice from a wise, old black man.
A face full of horse cum.
A falcon with a cap on it's head.
A fart.
A fat bald man from the internet.
A fetus.
A Fleshlight.
A for-real lizard that spits blood from it's eyes.
A foul mouth.
Africa.
African children.
A gassy antelope.
A gender identity that can only be conveyed through slam poetry.
A gentle caress of the inner thigh.
A giant powdery manbaby.
A good sniff.
A greased up Matthew McConaughey.
Agriculture.
A homoerotic volleyball montage.
A hopeless amount of spiders.
A horse with no legs.
AIDS.
AIDS monkeys.
A kiss on the lips.
A lamprey swimming up the toilet and latching onto your taint.
Alcoholism.
A lifetime of sadness.
A live studio audience.
All of my friends dying.
All of this blood.
All these decorative pillows.
All the single ladies.
All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.
Almost giving money to a homeless person.
A low standard of living.
Altar boys.
A magic hippie love cloud.
A manhole.
A man in yoga pants with a ponytail and feather earrings.
A man on the brink of orgasm.
A mating display.
Ambiguous sarcasm.
A micropenis.
A micropig wearing a tiny raincoat and booties.
A middle-aged man on roller skates.
A mime having a stroke.
A monkey smoking a cigar.
A mopey zoo lion.
A mouthful of potato salad.
Amputees.
A murder most foul.
Anal beads.
Anal fissures like you wouldn't believe.
An all-midget production of Shakespeare's Richard III.
An army of skeletons.
An ass disaster.
An asymmetric boob job.
A Native American who solves crimes by going into the spirit world.
Ancient Athenian boy-fucking.
Andre the Giant's enormous, leathery scrotum.
An endless stream of diarrhea.
An erection that lasts longer than four hours.
An ether-soaked rag.
An Etsy steampunk strap-on.
An evil man in evil clothes.
Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night.
An icepick lobotomy.
An inability to form meaningful relationships.
An interracial handshake.
An M16 assault rifle.
An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist.
An Oedipus complex.
Another shot of morphine.
An oversized lollipop.
A nuanced critique.
An ugly face.
An unforgettable quinceanera.
An unhinged ferris wheel rolling towards the sea.
An uninterrupted history of imperialism and exploitation.
An unstoppable wave of fire ants.
A one-way ticket to Gary, Indiana.
A passionate latino lover.
A pile of squirming bodies.
A pinata full of scorpions.
A plunger to the face.
A powered exoskeleton.
A PowerPoint presentation.
A pyramid of severed heads.
A Quesadilla Explosion Salad from Chili's.
A really cool hat.
A reason not to commit suicide.
A rival dojo.
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
A robust mongoloid.
A sad fat dragon with no friends.
A sad handjob.
A salty surprise.
A sassy black woman.
A sausage festival.
A sea of troubles.
A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness.
A sex goblin with a carnival penis.
A shiny rock that proves I love you.
Asians who aren't good at math.
A slightly shittier parallel universe.
A smiling black man, a latina businesswoman, a cool Asian, and some whites.
A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis.
A sofa that says "I have style, but I like to be comfortable."
A soulful rendition of "Ol' Man River."
A spastic nerd.
A spontaneous conga line.
A squadron of moles wearing aviator goggles.
Assless chaps.
Ass to mouth.
A stray pube.
A subscription to Men's fitness.
A Super Soaker full of cat pee.
A surprising amount of hair.
A sweaty, panting leather daddy.
A sweet spaceship.
A team of lawyers.
A thermonuclear detonation.
A time travel paradox.
A tiny horse.
A tribe of warrior women.
A Ugandan warlord.
Auschwitz.
Authentic Mexican cuisine.
Autocannibalism.
A vagina that leads to another dimension.
A web of lies.
A whole new kind of porn.
A windmill full of corpses.
AXE Body Spray.
A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home.
A zesty breakfast burrito.
Backwards knees.
Balls.
Barack Obama.
Basic human decency.
BATMAN!!!
Battlefield amputations.
Beefin' over turf.
Bees?
Being a busy adult with many important things to do.
Being a dick to children.
Being a dinosaur.
Being a motherfucking sorcerer.
Being awesome at sex.
Being fabulous.
Being fat and stupid.
Being marginalized.
Being nine years old.
Being on fire.
Being paralyzed from the neck down.
Being rich.
Being worshipped as the one true God.
Bill Clinton, naked on a bearskin rug with a saxophone.
Bill Nye the Science Guy.
Bingeing and purging.
Bio-engineered assault rifles with acid breath.
Bitches.
Blackface.
Black people.
Blackula.
Blood farts.
Blowing some dudes in an alley.
Blowjobs for everyone.
Boogers.
Boring vaginal sex.
Boris the Soviet Love Hammer.
Bosnian chicken farmers.
Bouncing up and down.
Breaking out into song and dance.
Brown people.
Bullshit.
Butt stuff.
Buying the right pants to be cool.
Calculating every mannerism so as to not suggest homosexuality.
Cards Against Humanity.
Carnies.
Catapults.
Catastrophic urethral trauma.
Centaurs.
Chainsaws for hands.
Changing a person's mind with logic and facts.
Cheating in the Special Olympics.
Child abuse.
Child beauty pageants.
Child Protective Services.
Children on leashes.
Child support payments.
Christopher Walken.
Chrystal meth.
Chugging a lava lamp.
Chunks of dead hitchhiker.
Civilian casualties.
Clams.
Classist undertones.
Clenched butt cheeks.
Coat hanger abortions.
Cock.
Committing mid-blowjob.
Concealing a boner.
Consensual sex.
Copping a feel.
Count Chocula.
Court-ordered rehab.
Crazy opium eyes.
Crippling debt.
Crucifixion.
Crumbs all over the god damn carpet.
Crushing Mr. Peanut's brittle body.
Crying into the pages of Sylvia Plath.
Cuddling.
Cutting off a flamingo's legs with garden shears.
Cybernetic enhancements.
Daddy issues.
Daddy's credit card.
Daniel Radcliffe's delicious asshole.
Dark and mysterious forces beyond our control.
Darth Vader.
Dead babies.
Dead parents.
Death by Steven Seagal.
Deez nuts.
Deflowering the princess.
Demonic possession.
Dem titties.
Denzel.
Depression.
Destroying the evidence.
Dick Cheney.
Dick fingers.
Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends."
Disco fever.
Doing the right stuff to her nipples.
Doing the right thing.
Doin' it in the butt.
Domino's Oreo Dessert Pizza.
Doo-doo.
Dorito breath.
Double penetration.
Drinking alone.
Drinking responsibly.
Drinking ten 5-hour ENERGYs to get fifty continuous hours of energy.
Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up.
Dry heaving.
Dying.
Dying alone and in pain.
Dying of dysentery.
Eating an albino.
Eating the last known bison.
Edible underpants.
Ejaculating live bees and bees are angry.
Elderly Japanese men.
Embryonic stem cells.
Emotions.
Ennui.
Enormous Scandinavian women.
Erectile dysfunction.
Estrogen.
Ethnic cleansing.
Eugenics.
Exactly what you'd expect.
Existing.
Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor.
Exploding pigeons.
Explosions.
Extremely tight pants.
Fabricating statistics.
Falling into the toilet.
Famine.
Fancy Feast.
Farting and walking away.
Fear itself.
Feeding Rosie O'Donnell.
Fetal alcohol syndrome.
Fiery poops.
Figgy pudding.
Figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin.
Filling every orifice with butterscotch pudding.
Finally finishing off the Indians.
Finding Waldo.
Fingering.
Finger painting.
Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog.
Fisting.
Five-Dollar Footlongs.
Flesh-eating bacteria.
Flightless birds.
Flying robots that kill people.
Flying sex snakes.
Foreskin.
Former President George W. Bush.
Free ice cream, yo.
Free samples.
Friction.
Friendly fire.
Friends with benefits.
Frolicking.
Fucking a corpse back to life.
Fuck Mountain.
Full frontal nudity.
Funky fresh rhymes.
Gandalf.
Gandhi.
Gay aliens.
Geese.
Genetically engineered super-soldiers.
Genghis Khan.
Genghis Khan's DNA.
Genuine human connection.
George Clooney's musk.
German dungeon porn.
Getting abducted by Peter Pan.
Getting caught by the police and going to jail.
Getting drive-by shot.
Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri.
Getting hilariously gang-banged by the Blue Man Group.
Getting in her pants, politely.
Getting married, having a few kids, buying some cool stuff, retiring to Florida, and dying.
Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon.
Getting really high.
Getting so angry that you pop a boner.
Getting your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick.
Ghosts.
Giant sperm from outer space.
Girls that always be texting'.
Giving 110%.
Giving birth to the Antichrist.
Gladiatorial combat.
Gloryholes.
Goblins.
God.
Gogurt.
Going around punching people.
Going to a high school reunion on ketamine.
Grammar nazis who are also regular Nazis.
Grandma.
Grandpa's ashes.
Graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content.
Grave robbing.
Growing a pair.
Half-assed foreplay.
Harry Potter erotica.
Having anuses for eyes.
Having a penis.
Having been dead for a while.
Having sex on top of a pizza.
Having shotguns for legs.
Heartwarming orphans.
Helplessly giggling at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis.
Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.
Heteronormativity.
Hillary Clinton's death stare.
Hip hop jewels.
Hipsters.
Historically black colleges.
Historical revisionism.
Holding down a child and farting all over him.
Homeless people.
Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine.
Hope.
Hormone injections.
Horrifying laser removal accidents.
Horse meat.
Hospice care.
Hot cheese.
Hot people.
Hot Pockets.
How awesome I am.
Hurricane Katrina.
Inappropriate yodeling.
Incest.
Indescribable loneliness.
Injecting speed into one arm and horse tranquilizer into the other.
Insatiable bloodlust.
Inserting a mason jar into my anus.
Interspecies marriage.
Intimacy problems.
Invading Poland.
Italians.
Jafar.
Jean-Claude Van Damme in slow motion.
Jeff Goldblum.
Jerking off into a pool of children's tears.
Jewish fraternities.
Jizz.
Jobs.
Joe Biden.
John Wilkes Booth.
Judge Judy.
Jumping out at people.
Justin Bieber.
Just the tip.
Kamikaze pilots.
Kanye West.
Keanu Reeves.
Khakis.
Kids with ass cancer.
Lactation.
Lady Gaga.
Lance Armstrong's missing testicle.
Land mines.
Laying an egg.
Leprosy.
Letting everyone down.
Levelling up.
Licking things to claim them as your own.
Literally eating shit.
Living in a trashcan.
Lockjaw.
Loki, the trickster god.
Lots and lots of abortions.
Lumberjack fantasies.
Lunchables.
Mad hacky-sack skills.
Magnets.
Making a friend.
Making a pouty face.
Making the penises kiss.
Man meat.
Masturbation.
Maximal insertion.
Me.
MechaHitler.
Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament.
Men.
Menstrual rage.
Me time.
Michael Jackson.
Michelle Obama's arms.
Mild autism.
Miley Cyrus at 55.
Moderate to severe joint pain.
Mom.
Moms new boyfriend.
Mooing.
Moral ambiguity.
Morgan Freeman's voice.
Mouth herpes.
Mr. Clean, right behind you.
Mufasa's death scene.
Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him).
Multiple stab wounds.
Mutually-assured destruction.
My black ass.
My boyfriend's stupid penis.
My collection of high-tech sex toys.
My dad's dumb fucking face.
My dead son's baseball glove.
My first kill.
My first period.
My genitals.
My humps.
My inner demons.
My machete.
My manservant, Claude.
My relationship status.
My sex dungeon.
My sex life.
My soul.
My vagina.
My worthless son.
Natalie Portman.
Natural male enhancement.
Natural selection.
Nazis.
Necrophilia.
Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits.
Neil Patrick Harris.
New Age music.
Nickelback.
Nicolas Cage.
Nipple blades.
No clothes on, penis in vagina.
Not believing in giraffes.
Not contributing to society in any meaningful way.
Not giving a shit about the Third World.
Not having sex.
Nothing.
Not reciprocating oral sex.
Not wearing pants.
Nubile slave boys.
Nunchuck moves.
Object permanence.
Oil!
Old-people smell.
Oncoming traffic.
One Ring to rule them all.
One thousand Slim Jims.
One trillion dollars.
Oompa-Loompas.
Opposable thumbs.
Our first chimpanzee president.
Out-of-this-world bazongos.
Overcompensation.
Overpowering your father.
Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum.
Panda sex.
Party Mexicans.
Passive-aggressive Post-it notes.
Pedophiles.
Peeing a little bit.
Penis breath.
Penis envy.
P.F. Chang himself.
Pictures of boobs.
Pixelated bukkake.
Police brutality.
Pooping back and forth. Forever.
Poopy diapers.
Poor life choices.
Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes.
Poor people.
Power.
Powerful thighs.
Prancing.
Praying the gay away.
Preteens.
Pretending to care.
Pretty Pretty Princess Dress-Up Board Game.
Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa.
Puberty.
Public ridicule.
Pulling out.
Pumping out a baby every nine months.
Puppies!
Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR.
Queefing.
Quiche.
Quivering jowls.
Racially-biased SAT questions.
Racism.
Raptor attacks.
Repression.
Republicans.
Revenge fucking.
Reverse cowgirl.
Riding off into the sunset.
Ripping into a man's chest and pulling out his still-beating heart.
Rising from the grave.
Road head.
Robert Downey, Jr.
RoboCop.
Roland the Farter, flatulist to the king.
Ronald Reagan.
Running naked through a mall, pissing and shitting everywhere.
Running out of semen.
Rush Limbaugh's soft, shitty body.
Russian super-tuberculosis.
Ryan Gosling riding in on a white horse.
Same-sex ice dancing.
Samuel L. Jackson.
Sanding off a man's nose.
Santa Claus.
Sarah Palin.
Savagely beating a mascot.
Saxophone solos.
Saying "I love you."
Science.
Scientology.
Screaming like a maniac.
Scrotal frostbite.
Scrotum tickling.
Sean Connery.
Sean Penn.
Seeing grandma naked.
Seeing my village burned and my family slaughtered before my eyes.
Seeing things from Hitler's perspective.
Self-flagellation.
Self-loathing.
Seppuku.
September 11th, 2001.
Serfdom.
Sexual humiliation.
Sexual peeing.
Sexual Tension.
Sex with Patrick Stewart.
Sexy pillow fights.
Shaft.
Shapeshifters.
Shaquille O'Neal's acting career.
Sharks with legs.
Shiny objects.
Shutting the fuck up.
Silence.
Skeletor.
Slapping a racist old lady.
Slowly easing down onto a cucumber.
Smallpox blankets.
Smegma.
Smoking crack, for instance.
Sneezing, farting and coming at the same time.
Sniffing glue.
Snorting coke off a clown's boner
Social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion.
Some douche with an acoustic guitar.
Some god-damn peace and quiet.
Some kind of bird-man.
Some really fucked-up shit.
Some shit-hot guitar licks.
Some sort of Asian.
Soup that is too hot.
Special musical guest, Cher.
Spectacular abs.
Spending lots of money.
Sperm whales.
Spontaneous human combustion.
Sports.
Stalin.
Statistically validated stereotypes.
Stephen Hawking talking dirty.
Stockholm Syndrome.
Stuffing a child's face with Fun Dip until he starts having fun.
Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife.
Sudden Poop Explosion Disease.
Sugar madness.
Suicidal thoughts.
Sunshine and rainbows.
Surprise sex!
Sweet, sweet vengeance.
Swiftly achieving orgasm.
Switching to Geico.
Swooping.
Synergistic management solutions.
Syphilitic insanity.
Take-backsies.
Taking off your shirt.
Tasteful sideboob.
Teaching a robot to love.
Teenage pregnancy.
Tentacle porn.
Testicular torsion.
That ass.
The Abercrombie & Fitch lifestyle.
The American Dream.
The Amish.
The art of seduction.
The basic suffering that pervades all of existence.
The Big Bang.
The black half of Barack Obama.
The black Power Ranger.
The Blood of Christ.
The boners of the elderly.
The Boy Scouts of America.
The Care Bear Stare.
The Chinese gymnastics team.
The chronic.
The clitoris.
The complex geopolitical quagmire that is the Middle East.
The cool, refreshing taste of Pepsi.
The day the birds attacked.
The Devil himself.
The economy.
The eight gay warlocks who dictate the rules of fashion.
The entire Internet.
The entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
The euphoric rush of strangling a drifter.
The female orgasm.
The folly of man.
The Force.
The four arms of Vishnu.
The gays.
The ghosts of Marlon Brando.
The glass ceiling.
The Great Depression.
The Gulags.
The Hamburglar.
The hardworking mexican.
The Harlem Globetrotters.
The harsh light of day.
The heart of a child.
The hiccups.
The Holy Bible.
The homosexual agenda.
The human body.
The Hustle.
The inevitable death of the universe.
The invisible hand.
The Jews.
The KKK.
The Kool-Aid Man.
The Land of Chocolate.
The light of a billion suns.
The Little Engine That Could.
The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
The mere concept of Applebees.
The milk man.
The miracle of childbirth.
The mixing of the races.
The moist, demanding chasm of his mouth.
The morbidly obese.
The new Radiohead album.
The ooze.
The passage of time.
The Patriarchy.
The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China.
The penny whistle solo from "My Heart Will Go On."
The pirate's life.
The placenta.
The Pope.
The primal, ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now.
The profoundly handicapped.
The Rapture.
The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
The rhythms of Africa.
The safe word.
The secret formula for ultimate female satisfaction.
The shambling corpse of Larry King.
The size of my penis.
The South.
The swim team, all at once.
The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life.
The Tempur-Pedic Swedish Sleep System.
The terrorists.
The thin veneer of situational casualty that underlies porn.
The Three-Fifths compromise.
The tiger that killed my father.
The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real.
The token minority.
The Trail of Tears.
The true meaning of Christmas.
The Ubermensch.
The unbelievable world of mushrooms.
The Underground Railroad.
The violation of our basic human rights.
The way white people is.
The white half of Barack Obama.
The wonders of the Orient.
The World of Warcraft.
The wrath of Vladimir Putin.
Third base.
This year's mass shooting.
Three consecutive seconds of happiness.
Three dicks at the same time.
Three months in the hole.
Throwing a virgin into a volcano.
Tiny nipples.
Tom Cruise.
Tongue.
Toni Morrison's vagina.
Too much cocaine.
Tripping balls.
Two midgets shitting into a bucket.
Unfathomable stupidity.
Unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks.
Unquestioning obedience.
Unrelenting genital punishment.
Used panties.
Vegetarian options.
Vehicular manslaughter.
Velcro.
Viagra.
Vietnam flashbacks.
Vigilante justice.
Vigorous jazz hands.
Vikings.
Waiting 'til marriage.
Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot.
Walking in on Dad peeing into mom's mouth.
Weapons-grade plutonium.
Wearing an octopus for a hat.
Wearing glasses and sounding smart.
Western standards of beauty.
Wet dreams.
Whatever a McRib is made of.
What Jesus would do.
When you fart and a little bit comes out.
Whining like a little bitch.
Whipping a disobedient slave.
Whipping it out.
Whispering all sexy.
White-man scalps.
White people.
White privilege.
Wifely duties.
William Shatner.
Winking at old people.
Wiping her butt.
Women in yogurt commercials.
Women's suffrage.
Words, words, words.
World peace.
Yeast.
YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.
Your weird brother.
Zeus's sexual appetites.